Ladies, it’s February. One month into the new year and chances are you’ve already abandoned that gym membership and settled back into your routine of de-elasticized sweats and The Bachelor. Even if you climbed the stair master for 11 whole stairs and shoveled raw broccoli into your mouth for exactly three sad desk lunches, you saw no change in your level of self-loathing. And let’s face it, you likely won’t—unless you change your hair to change your life with these great styles for 2017.
1. The Long Bob
Some people call this The Lob, because it sounds cute! If you are afraid of commitment, this is the look for you. Make everyone slightly uncomfortable by making a change they can’t quite put their finger on. Intriguing! Mysterious!
2. Reverse Fishtail Braid, Except 2 of Them on Either Side of Your Head
Let’s face it, another year has passed and you’re one step closer to the sweet embrace of death. But that doesn’t mean you can’t feel young again with this stylish and fairly difficult to achieve update on that elementary school staple: pigtails. Don’t look silly, look like you’re trying, but also like you’re too poor for Botox.
3. Bangs, Just Bangs
The decision to get bangs is always a big one for women—whether you cut off your hair like you cut off your men à la Taylor Swift, or you’re simply looking to raise the bottom line like Debbie in accounting. But you know what will get you noticed more than fine fringe? Just bangs. Shave your head but leave the forehead curtains. Attention attained.
4. Camouflage Hair with Hidden Flair
Did the Tinder-driven dating scene leave you exhausted in 2016? So good at your job, you actually have to speak during meetings? If you’re looking for more alone time and less responsibility, look no further than your office conference room’s fake shrub. Arrive early to every meeting and snip off a silk leaf. As your hair slowly grows over your face and down to the floor, stick the collected leaves into the tangled strands. Roll your chair to where the shrub used to be. You are the shrub.
5. A Wig
On the other hand, maybe just give up. It is February after all.
The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!