In 400 CE, Sage Patanjali wrote a book illustrating the secrets of life through complex, body-contorting poses known as yoga. It has been said that the world’s most powerful leaders, and average humans, turn to this ancient practice when they’re lost, confused or drowning in emotional turmoil.

According to classified excerpts from Comey’s private memo, the following yoga poses are to blame for President Trump’s logical conclusions and key White House decisions.

1. Downward Dog

From The Comey Memo: “The second time I met President Trump was a week after the inauguration ceremony. I was there with other Intelligence Community (IC) Leaders. At first, I could only see a triangle-shaped silhouette behind the gold curtains of The Red Room. His arms were positioned in a way in which he looked like he was doing a push-up. He said he needed a few more minutes because he had been in that position for hours, examining a photo of the inauguration on CNN.”

2. Mountain Pose

From The Comey Memo: “In late January, President Trump called an emergency meeting in The Oval Office. When I arrived, Tibetan prayer flags were strung across the doorway. I was asked to remove my shoes and bow to the flags before entering. When I walked in the room, I was greeted by President Trump standing in the middle of the room. His posture appeared to be very concentrated and focused. He said he had been standing like that for hours, and proceeded to ask my thoughts on building a wall on the US-Mexico border. I told him it was in his best interest for me not to answer. He said he envisioned the wall standing as tall as a mountain. I remained silent.”

3. Tree Pose

From The Comey Memo: “The days leading up to Paris Climate Agreement reconsideration were chaotic. I was told President Trump was standing in The Oval Office, practicing Vrksasana—also known as tree pose. President Trump told my former colleague it was important for him to understand what it felt like to be a tree. He concluded it was difficult, and that they should all die within the next hundred years.”

4. Happy Baby

From The Comey Memo: “One night in February I found President Trump laying on his back, pulling his knees into his armpits rolling around on the floor of the Oval Office. I later learned this was another yoga pose. A few of us strongly believe this position, known as ‘happy baby,’ inspired Trump to announce the Mexico City Policy, also known as the Global Gag Rule.”

5. Child’s Pose

From The Comey Memo: “However, the most common yoga pose President Trump practices is child’s pose. One night in February, my former colleagues and I were talking to President Trump about North Korea’s missile tests. It was in that moment, he rose from his chair, laid on the floor, and assumed this child’s pose. According to his staff, this habit has increased as of late.”


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 



facebookfooter twitterfooter tumblrfooter rssfooter

Sign up for our monthly email list!