I humbly propose the following guaranteed hits:
1. Cocktail II: On the Rocks – Tom Cruise returns as the charming bartender Brian Flannigan. The stakes have never been higher as Brian, ten years sober, is forced back into the scene due to a bartending emergency. To make matters worse, the new reckless bartender trainee he must contend with is none other than…the son he never knew he had!?  “Heh, reminds me of somebody I used to know”, somebody will say to Brian in the third act, triggering within him a profound realization that the kid shares characteristics with his own younger self.  Also, there will be a violent rock climbing race.  
2. Ferris Bueller’s Day in Court-  Everybody loves “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, the harrowing tale of good-natured teenager Cameron Frye being manipulated into destructive behavior by the nefarious and egocentric Ferris Bueller.  The cruel antics of Ferris culminated with a mentally tormented Cameron kicking his father’s prized automobile out the window.  In the sequel, we learn that Cameron faced dire consequences for this act of uncharacteristic vandalism and spent many years in a medically induced coma. Now finally wakening, Cameron sets out on a quest for justice.

3. Look Who’s Still Talking – Bruce Willis is back once more to narrate the inner voice of protagonist Mikey Umbriacco.  When we first met Mikey in 1989 he was an adorable wisecracking baby, but now he’s a bitter adult paraplegic forever confined within the prison that is his own broken body.  Unable to vocalize out loud, the audience will hear his enraged and nihilistic interior monologues.  Additionally, Mikey will overhear the scheming of corrupt hospital staff plotting a jewel heist!  Too bad there’s nothing he can do to stop them. Or is there?   
4. My Brunch Cruise With Andre – In this long long-awaited continuation of “My Dinner with Andre”, Wally and Andre reunite for a charming brunch cruise on the Hudson. However, calamity strikes when the ship is commandeered by an eccentric occultist who used to be in the same performance art group as Andre.  This diabolical foe has rigged a bomb to the vessel which will explode if there is ever a lull in Wally and Andre’s conversation.  On this cruise, it isn’t just the mimosas that are bottomless…it’s the action too!
5. The Bigger Chill-  In “The Big Chill”, a gang of baby boomers reunite after the suicide of their old friend Alex.  Astute viewers may recall that the character of Alex was referred to as a scientist.  Now, we will learn that Alex actually faked his own death and has spent decades perfecting a technology with the capability to cause a global ice age.  The only people who can get through to him are his old college pals.  Can these distinguished AARP members reignite the revolutionary zeal they felt as youths in the 1960’s to avert an icy apocalypse? 
6. Tootsie II: Two Tootsies– In “Tootsie”, Dustin Hoffman stars as actor Michael Dorsey who, while pretending to be a woman, lands a role in a soap opera.  In the sequel, a radioactive lightning bolt hits the Netflix headquarters just as they are digitizing this 80’s soap opera as their latest streaming acquisition. As a result, Southwest General hospital administrator Emily Kimberly, “Tootsie” herself, manifests as a real woman.  Michael Dorsey must now compete against his own digital doppelgänger at the auditions for the “Southwest General” reboot.  But could this new rivalry end in romance?  Yes. 
Also, all of the above movies naturally take place in a shared cinematic universe, leading up to an action-packed film which unites all of our characters against the ultimate villain: Thanos, from the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  Merging cinematic universes into cinematic multiverses can’t go wrong.  




The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!