Blue Brainwash

This tangy indica-dominant hybrid is the perfect way to clear your mind after a day in the rat race. Its frosty, dense buds have a sweet blueberry aroma that you’ll forever associate with full-body relaxation–just as you associate the smell of freshly Cracked Pepper and smooth Extra Virgin Olive Oil with a casual afternoon snack plate! This strain is fast-acting and euphoria inducing–kinda like Triscuits!

Super Crunch Skunk

If you’re looking for a goofy, crunchy high, this skunk is for you. And if you’re looking for a crunchy snack, try Triscuits! Triscuits, like this sativa, will satisfy you fast and put a smile on your face that lasts all day long. Unlike this strain, Triscuits are not the byproduct of crossing a Dutch skunk clone with an old school East Coast Sour Diesel male.

Maui Bliss Extreme

A fruity little sativa that lives up to its tropical heritage. The musky overtones will hit you first, as will the slow cerebral high that will creep over you for 2-3 hours, which is about how long I can keep a box of Triscuits in the pantry! Luckily they’re whole wheat, so I get the flavor without the guilt. Good for movie night.

Humboldt Thunk

Clear your schedule and grab the Triscuits, because this indica is keep you in da couch tonight! A heavy, deeply calm mellow is a guarantee from this cross between Bhang Humboldt Reserve and Thunk. Some are turned off by the sour odor, but connoisseurs are reminded of aged cheddar, which pairs effortlessly with the Cracked Pepper of a Cracked Pepper & Olive Oil Triscuit.

Chet Haze

This sativa has an uncertain heritage, but what is certain is how delicious Triscuits are. If you loved the taste of original Triscuits, this new Cracked Pepper & Olive Oil flavor combo is sure to please. I think named after Tom Hanks’ kid? Only available at Greenwolf when Trina’s there.


This isn’t a strain of weed so much as a way of life, and also a cracker. Triscuits are a phenomenal cracker, and this kind of Triscuit has Cracked Pepper on it. It also has Olive Oil. That sounds like something fancy that would be served at a restaurant. Maybe in a basket with a cloth napkin inside. I’d eat this cracker out of a fancy basket. Wouldn’t you?

Beyond The Veil OG

The closest marijuana can get you to an out of body experience. A deep indica nod combined with a mind-bending sativa results in near total disassociation from reality. Prepare to be transported beyond sight, sound and mind to a place of only Triscuits. No other earthly pleasure (such as weed) will satisfy your urge for a sensible alternative to chips. Make no mistake: this strain will change you. Triscuits: Made for More.


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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