Ben and May. Before their nephew Peter Parker comes to live with them and is subsequently bitten by a radioactive spider and becomes Spider-Man, Ben and May Parker live out a quiet existence in their New York City apartment. (Spider-Man will not appear in Ben and May.)
The Ocean. Before Aquaman shows up to communicate with fish, the ocean is just a place where fish hang out and sometimes get eaten by sharks. (Aquaman will not appear in The Ocean.)

The Incredible Bruce. Before the radiation tests that got out of control and transformed him into the Incredible Hulk, Bruce Banner is just a regular scientist working on wacky, wacky experiments! (Hulk no appear in Incredible Bruce.)
Devil’s Night. A group of friends try to find love in the big city in the ‘90s while also being violent criminals and unrepentant junkies, with no avenging superhero ghost to ever stop them. (The Crow/Eric Draven will not appear in Devil’s Night.)
Orphanage. Before Professor Xavier started his academy for mutants, parents just dumped their mutant babies off at filthy, depressing, underfunded orphanages, like the one this show is about. (None of the X-Men will appear in Orphanage, although in a very special episode scheduled for November Sweeps, Jean Grey’s pregnant mother almost commits to giving up her unborn daughter.)

Pre-Columbian America. Before the American Way needed defending, there was America. And before America, there was the vast expanse of North America, inhabited by hundreds if not thousands of tribes of native peoples, living off the land and developing rich, intricate cultures and languages. (Captain America will not appear in Pre-Columbian America, but a guy who looks a lot like Apache Chief from Super Friends is in every episode of the first season, which focuses on the Apache people who lived in what is now Arizona and New Mexico.)
Before Watchmen. You know how in Watchmen, the world is a horrifically bleak place because Nixon is still serving as a fascistic president well into the ‘80s, and not even superheroes can help because they’re far too wracked with angst? Well, this show doesn’t have anything to do with all that because Alan Moore was against it. He agreed to sell the rights to only the name “Watchmen” so producers could make a show more attractive to advertisers and viewers that was really just a TV series adaptation of Rick Perlstein’s exhaustive Nixonland, the definitive biography of Nixon and the political climate that led to his rise to power. (The Watchmen will not appear in Before Watchmen.)


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!