To: The Board of Directors, Gotham City Museum of Art
From: Bruce Wayne, Trustee

Dear Sirs and Madams,

I have been a proud Trustee of our museum for over ten years now. I feel greatly honored to be associated with an institution whose collection rivals any in Europe or New York.

That said, I am more than a little concerned by our most recent acquisitions and the list of items we have on loan from other museums. While I do not in any way question the aesthetic, educational, or historical value of these objects, I feel we may be asking for trouble by placing these in a museum in Gotham City. It goes without saying that the museum was robbed thirteen times last year alone, along with eight other attempted robberies. True, the items were always retrieved, and we are eternally grateful for the hard work of the GPD and their associates. Nonetheless, we cannot deny that our city is home to a unique criminal element which tends to target unusual objets d’art and the list below really seems to be asking for trouble. The authorities are already overextended and I have it on good faith that some of their operatives are getting sick of this bullshit.

Please pardon my language.

Here are the items causing my concern:

Picasso’s painting of “Harlequin Leaning” on loan from the Metropolitan Museum of Art

A collection of Victorian era umbrellas

Francois Xavier Fabre’s painting of Oedipus solving the riddle of the sphinx, on loan from the Dahesh museum

An ancient Egyptian statue of Bast, the cat goddess

An ancient Roman coin depicting the two-faced god Janus

A collection of hats that once belonged to Lewis Carroll

The costume worn by Ray Bolger in The Wizard of Oz

The original sheet music to the Leiber and Stoller song “Poison Ivy”

Are we really serious about these? Do we not understand that certain masked adventurers are sick of risking their necks for statues of laughing clowns, Audubon bird paintings, and diamonds shaped like tigers?

Please reconsider some of these exhibits. Couldn’t we ship these items elsewhere in some sort of swap arrangement? Share the wealth with, say, the Metropolis Institute of Art and Science? I understand their display of unusual green meteorite fragments went very poorly last year and they would love to relocate the collection.

Sincerely yours,
Bruce Wayne

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