Dear Mr. or Ms. Representative of Rosetta Stone,

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. As I wrote in my previous letters, I am embarking soon on a trip to The Big Española (Spain) and am in need of Spanish-language lessons. I recently learned that your program is $274 on sale (MSRP $499), which seems steep. However, I feel it is likely your program contains many, many more words and phrases than I would ever need in my travels. This conclusion leads me to my proposal: I would like to buy a customized list of words and phrases.

Below is my proposed list:

-Where is the bathroom?
-Where is the nearest dog?
-I can’t stay in that room. A spider might be in it.
-Where is the nearest bathroom for dogs?
-Where can I get a snack?
-Where can the nearest dog get a snack?
-I asked you where the nearest dog was and you still haven’t gotten back to me.
-I’m very sorry I snapped at you about the nearest dog thing. Please do not kick me out of this hotel.
-Is this the same hotel from that movie Hotel for Dogs?

I am prepared to offer you the sum of $9 USD ($1 per phrase). Please get back to me at your earliest convenience.

Once again, your “real” program is extremely overpriced.


Allegra Ringo


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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