A Sony Executive Reviews The Amazing Spider-Man 2
By
May 21, 2014

Wow-e-wow, folks, we did it again! Is it possible for a movie to be too good?

Now I know what you’re thinking: clearly The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is a complete paradigm shift in Sony’s forward-thinking strategy for this valuable IP. But is it any good? I am proud to say that clearly this is the best Spider-Man movie ever, for the simple fact that it’s the newest one.

I mean, wow-e-wow! Did you see the clocks in this thing? Talk about some great symbolism! Can you believe that we were this close to having almost no clocks in the entire picture? It’s true. I remember watching the first cut with Marc and the boys. When the lights came up we all just stared at each other. What did we just watch? It didn’t make any sense! Then some genius, I can’t remember who, could have been me, says, “Hey, why don’t we add more clocks? Ya know, for symbolism reasons.” And boy I tell you. Wow. Just a whole ‘nother movie!

And any concerns that we wouldn’t be using this film as a launching pad for our Spider-Man franchise machine are completely unfounded. I can confirm that the rumors we attempted to make this movie a satisfying story in its own right are simple fabrications. I promise you that plenty of potentially interesting characters are introduced and then given absolutely nothing to do. Will that boring character whose main function is to carry manila folders from room to room turn out to be Catwoman or whatever? I don’t know! The only comic I read is Rex Morgan, M.D.!

But how about them eels? All angry like? I tell ya, at first there were no eels in the entire picture. None! Can you believe that? But I remembered that one Batman movie where the lady got eaten by cats and became a cat lady. Didn’t care much for that Batman. Too dark. But it got me thinking, why don’t we have electric eels attack Ray Charles? That’s a thing that could happen!

And did you like Eel Man’s super suit? I wanted him to say, “Where’s my super suit?!” but it turns out you can’t just copy dialogue straight from another movie.

Anyway, we’re hard at work on The Amazing Spider-Man 3 which I guarantee will be the best one yet. I don’t want to give anything away, so I’ll just say one word, “Spider-Baby???”

You’re welcome.

Final score: Wow-E-Wow out of 10 Stars

 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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