Almost 20 years ago the entire movie industry changed forever, and arguably for the better with the 1997 theatrical release of the movie Airbud. A movie that gave dogs the opportunity to show humans that they too, can play sports if given the tools to succeed. A true story of triumph, and of basketball. A movie that showed everyone that if you exploit an animal hard enough you can get a championship and fourteen total movies. Without Airbud we may have never gotten such movies as Soccer Dog, Firehouse Dog, or Fluke. All movies where animals are unwanted until they are needed for personal gain or to detract feelings of loneliness/loss.
The last Airbud spinoff came in 2013, entitled: Space Buddies, where the dogs have to go into space. In this same movie there is a dog that wears a necklace and talks like an urban teenager, and says “dawg!” a lot. Get it? Anyway, I would love for this movie to continue to try things that are ridiculous, so here are a few new Airbud movie ideas that I will literally let Disney have.
Air Bud: Never Bark Down
Buddy is tired of seeing all of the social injustices in the world and wants to put an end to it. For this dog, it’s not just all black and white. Buddy wants to be the catalyst to change, and dedicates his campaign to cleaning up the dirty streets of Pittsburgh, PAWsylvania. Buddy runs for mayor and decides that he won’t roll over for anybody.
Buddy finds out that he is actually a king! But is he fit to run a kingdom? Or will he find life as a monarch a “ruff” gig?
Air Bud: Vampire Slayer
This fucking dog kills vampires. He uses guns and every time he gets into a shootout the song “Who Let The Dogs Out” comes on. He also falls in love with a vampire dog and they have a puppy and the puppy has little vampire wings, setting up the sequel, Vampire Puppies.
Air Bud: Revolution
When a local dance teacher dies, it leaves a group of young teenagers without guidance. They didn’t think a replacement would take a step forward, luckily this one took four… Buddy teaches these kids that anybody can dance.
Air Bud: Raise Da Woof
Through a series of strange and unusual circumstances, ( a mass teacher suicide), a school must select a totally new staff. That means they need a new slam poetry teacher. But nobody wants to teach at this school, especially since it’s the most dangerous school in the inner-city. Nobody, but buddy. Bud meets the requirements to teach children how to lower their weapons and raise their voices with slam poetry.
There you have it. My goal is to have Airbud become the animal equivalent of Fast and the Furious. Fucking terrible, but still somehow enjoyable.
The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!