The Higgs Weldon

ALL POSTS

  • How to Beat iPhone Addiction by Smoking at the Office, May 25, 2017
  • How to Cook a Burger… For One, May 24, 2017
  • Essay Contest: Win a Date to Your Own Prom, May 23, 2017
  • Snake Parenting, May 22, 2017
  • Would You Fit In More At An Imagine Dragons Concert Or A Sbarro’s Restroom?, May 22, 2017
  • In Light of McDonald’s New Uniforms, May 19, 2017
  • Please Stop Climbing Into My Black Toyota Camry, May 18, 2017
  • 7 Conversation Starters To Help You Cum, May 17, 2017
  • H.R. Pufnstuf, May 16, 2017
  • Summer Vacations On A Budge(t), May 16, 2017
  • SAVE OUR NATIONAL PARKS SO I CAN LEGALLY FUCK IN THE WOODS, May 15, 2017
  • Hated Automated, May 12, 2017
  • German Words the English Language Should Adopt, May 11, 2017
  • A Second-by-Second Account of that Time I Held the Door Open Inappropriately Long for a Random Stranger, May 10, 2017
  • Agony Niece: An Advice Column, May 9, 2017
  • Garfield Yucks It Up In Analysis, May 8, 2017
  • Emotions Worksheet: Special Edition, May 8, 2017
  • Ten Things Sold at a Republican Garage Sale, May 5, 2017
  • Holidays I’ll Be Celebrating This Year, May 4, 2017
  • Highs and Lows of a Workday, May 3, 2017
  • Monthly Affirmations Because I’m Fucking Busy, May 3, 2017
  • Just A Little Inspiration…, May 2, 2017
  • Two Foxes: A Fable, May 1, 2017
  • Is It Too Late to Submit My United Jokes?, April 28, 2017
  • Say No To King Tutankhamun! #NotMyPharaoh, April 27, 2017
  • Trump’s First 100 Days: An Alternative Look Back, April 26, 2017
  • The Game of Cat, April 25, 2017
  • Size Comparison Chart: Bills Who Shouldn’t Be Around Women, April 24, 2017
  • Sign Up Now For My Karate School Correspondence Class, April 24, 2017
  • If I See Ricky’s Ex, I Will Kill That Bitch, April 21, 2017
  • When The Time Travelers Arrive, April 20, 2017
  • Tristan’s Mom Helen is Running for PTA President, April 19, 2017
  • Boss Baby: United Airlines CEO, April 18, 2017
  • Frozen, April 17, 2017
  • Jokes for Children (Not Really) Part 2, April 17, 2017
  • Adult Basketball, April 14, 2017
  • What Your Eye Color Says About You, April 13, 2017
  • An Open Letter To The Person Who Tried To Start A Clap At The Rock Concert, April 12, 2017
  • Seriously, No Joke, This Is A Message In A Bottle, April 11, 2017
  • A Graphic Representation of My Jimmy Johns Takeover, April 10, 2017
  • 5 Stories Even Shorter and Better Than Hemingway’s, April 10, 2017
  • The Times Sherlock Holmes Ruined Watson’s Relationships, April 7, 2017
  • As a 4-Year-Old, I’m Pretty Damn Sick of Hearing You Use the Phrase “As a Mother…”, April 6, 2017
  • 10 Tips for Eating BBQ Ribs at Work, April 5, 2017
  • Diana Prince: Queen of the Amazons, Wonder Woman, Copywriter, April 4, 2017
  • I Fell In Love With An Apple Because I Want To Be Cool On The Internet, April 3, 2017
  • Real or Fake English City?, April 3, 2017
  • Have You Tried the Sangria at Hamilton?, March 31, 2017
  • My 5 Most Memorable Celebrity Encounters, March 30, 2017
  • Chill Dude, It’s Just the End of the World, March 29, 2017
  • Crafty Handouts For Your Next Airplane Trip, March 28, 2017
  • March Madness Bracket, March 27, 2017
  • Thank You For Not Pointing Out That I’m On Fire, March 27, 2017
  • I Almost Forgot To Thank Members Of The Academy, March 24, 2017
  • Additional Hashtags To Delegitimize The Trump Administration, March 23, 2017
  • I’m Paying For This Luncheon And There’s Nothing You Can Do About It, March 22, 2017
  • Excuse Me?, March 21, 2017
  • Topical, March 20, 2017
  • Whopper, Jr. Has A Breakthrough In Therapy, March 20, 2017
  • Constructive Feedback for My Kidnappers, March 17, 2017
  • The Quiz Section on NPR.org, March 16, 2017
  • Excerpts From The Woke Joke Book, March 15, 2017
  • A Word of Advice to the Undergrad With Open Sores Giving Free Hugs in the Quad, March 14, 2017
  • Pro Con Chart: Puns, March 13, 2017
  • Hey! You There. Would You Like to Buy a Roller Coaster from Me, a Guy on the Street?, March 13, 2017
  • Order Now! Targeted Comfort Containers® For Trying Times, March 10, 2017
  • Hey Everyone. Over here. Look! It’s Emma Stone’s Nipple., March 9, 2017
  • A SOOTHSAYER TOLD ME THE EXACT DAY I WILL DIE, March 8, 2017
  • Wine Tasting with Emily Faye, March 7, 2017
  • This Is A Turtle… But Also, It Is Everything… So Also, It Is A Trampoline…, March 6, 2017
  • This Month’s Caption Contest Winners, March 6, 2017
  • I Am A Highway Who Has Not Yet Been Adopted, March 3, 2017
  • I Saw Her Across The Bar And Knew She Was The One I Would Spend The Rest Of My Night Getting Rejected By, March 2, 2017
  • We’re Pregnant!, March 1, 2017
  • Open Letter to the Girl Scouts at Acme, February 28, 2017
  • I Saw The Sine: A Graph, February 27, 2017
  • 5 Restroom Attendants Who Kept Their Cool While Handing Paper Towels To B-List Celebrities, February 27, 2017
  • Dear Annie: My Wife Is Sleeping With Sasquatch, February 24, 2017
  • Quick Question For A Fitness Professional, February 23, 2017
  • Dad Seeks Friend to Appreciate His References to Song Lyrics and Indulge His Persistent Reflections on the Meaninglessness of Human Existence, February 22, 2017
  • Agony Niece: An Advice Column, February 21, 2017
  • The Enforcer, February 20, 2017
  • My Brother’s Ghost, February 20, 2017
  • You Think You’ve Got It Hard? Meet the 3-Legged-Dog I Sent To Buy Me Beer, February 17, 2017
  • 5 Hot Hairstyles That Will Change Your Life in 2017, February 16, 2017
  • Actually, Snakes Are More Afraid of What They Could Do to You Than You Are of Them, February 15, 2017
  • I Have Been Engaged For 24 Hours: Here Are The Answers To All Your Questions, February 14, 2017
  • Word Graph Of A Couple In Love, February 13, 2017
  • Cyrano de Dating App, February 13, 2017
  • How Come My Imaginary Friend Blimpychimp Won’t Fuck Me?, February 10, 2017
  • The People In The Town, February 9, 2017
  • Letter To Whomever Stole My Bike, February 8, 2017
  • America’s Top Spin Instructors (Who Are Definitely NOT Trapped In Spandex), February 7, 2017
  • Get to Know a Parrot, February 6, 2017
  • The Ocean Front Property I Purchased In Montana Appears To Be A Hoax, February 6, 2017
  • My Apologies, February 3, 2017
  • In Our Time of Need, A Zmail to the Cast of Zoom, February 2, 2017
  • A Scene from TombMates, a Sitcom About a Mummy & a Vampire Sharing an Apartment, February 1, 2017
  • How to Live Vicariously Through Your Genderqueer Child, January 31, 2017
  • Big Pharma Rebrands for the Medical Marijuana Era, January 30, 2017
  • Census Information: Fashion Evolution, January 30, 2017
  • Every Single Time I Took a Pregnancy Test, January 27, 2017
  • 7 Things You’ll Only Understand If I Shout Them At You From My Mom’s Minivan, January 26, 2017
  • The 8 Stages of Grief My Mom Experiences on Facebook, January 25, 2017
  • Lines From My Rejected Screenplay, A Gritty Drama About The American Cheese Manufacturing Industry, January 24, 2017
  • A Line Graph of My Confidence In Trump As A President, January 23, 2017
  • January Jones is My Favorite Celebrity, January 23, 2017
  • Jobs Our Resurrected Lord Couldn’t Keep, January 20, 2017
  • Why Stop at Mansplaining?, January 19, 2017
  • When I Grow Up I Want to Be a Content Producer Like My Dad, January 18, 2017
  • Toast, January 17, 2017
  • Brian Brown, January 16, 2017
  • Corn Baby, January 16, 2017
  • Sincerely Yours, You Sorry Son of a Bitch, January 13, 2017
  • 5 Reasons Why I, the Golden Retriever of a White, Upper Class Family, Voted for Donald Trump, January 12, 2017
  • Don’t Make Me Pull This Car Over! Because If I Do Or Go Under 50mph It Will Explode!, January 11, 2017
  • A New Yoda?, January 10, 2017
  • A Bar Graph of Hot Takes on Airplanes, January 9, 2017
  • 5-hour Energy® Chicken, January 9, 2017
  • A List of My Job References (And I Certainly Know What Job References Are), January 6, 2017
  • I Replaced All My Family Photos With Photos of Jamie Lee Curtis and Now We’re All Hooked On Activia!, January 5, 2017
  • 6 Celebrities With Amazing Hidden Talents That Will Make You Love Them Even More, January 4, 2017
  • That’s It, This Year I’m Normalizing Finding and Eating Colorful Birds My Damn Self, January 3, 2017
  • Mating Calls, January 2, 2017
  • In 2017 I’m Going To Post A Lot More, January 2, 2017
  • A Column Written By God For NewYorkTimes.com, December 23, 2016
  • The 12 Gifts of Christmas, December 22, 2016
  • Dear Santa, How Are You?, December 21, 2016
  • Hillary’s Woodland Adventures, December 21, 2016
  • Ben Affleck: My Lord And Savior, December 20, 2016
  • This Woman Is Holding A Bake Sale To Help Avatar Reclaim Its Spot As The Highest Grossing Domestic Film Of All-Time, December 19, 2016
  • The North Pole Elite, December 19, 2016
  • 7 Unspeakable Acts Your Favorite Muppets Committed that Prove Even the Most Pure of Heart Cannot Avoid the Temptation of Sin, December 16, 2016
  • Letter From a Dead White Man: “I’m Sorry”, December 15, 2016
  • 19 Really Annoying Things That Are Still Less Annoying Than You, December 14, 2016
  • Shelly Perlstein’s Letter To The Walkerville School Board RE: Today’s ‘Magic’ School Bus Field Trip, December 13, 2016
  • Top Selling Holiday Candles: A Pie Chart, December 12, 2016
  • Other Movie Warnings, December 12, 2016
  • The Worst Store Coupons Ever, December 9, 2016
  • Alternative Names For “Happy Hour”, December 8, 2016
  • Neil deGrasse Tyson Fixes More Science Fiction Movies, December 7, 2016
  • I Fear My Cow Is No Longer Organic, December 6, 2016
  • Why Shania Twain and I Should Be Best Friends: A Venn Diagram, December 5, 2016
  • Holiday Gift Guide For The Man Who Either Has Everything, or is Emotionally Unavailable, It’s Hard to Say. Honestly Stephen, What Do You Even Like?, December 5, 2016
  • Some of the Penalties Incurred During My Family’s Annual Thanksgiving Turkey Bowl, December 1, 2016
  • Writer’s Workshop Bootcamp Week 7, November 30, 2016
  • On the Judgement of Turkeys, A Review of New Restaurant TRKYC, November 29, 2016
  • Other People Who Should Be Booed If They Attend ‘Hamilton’, November 28, 2016
  • Anatomy of a Female Brain, November 28, 2016
  • The Advisability of Providing a Redundancy Package for Number Eight, November 25, 2016
  • Nasty Woman, November 23, 2016
  • Neutral Conversation Topics to Avoid Talking Politics With Your Conservative Relatives at Thanksgiving Dinner, November 23, 2016
  • Monster Pie, November 22, 2016
  • Thanksgiving Twenty Sixteen, November 21, 2016
  • A Detailed Map of LA Fitness, Hollywood Location, November 21, 2016
  • The Cheese-Lover’s Dilemma, November 18, 2016
  • Concerned Citizens Who Saw Something And Said Something, November 17, 2016
  • 10 Things to Bring to the Movies, November 16, 2016
  • Daily Affirmations That Don’t Require You to Grow or Change, November 15, 2016
  • A Once In A Lifetime Opportunity With Me: A Famous Celebrity, November 14, 2016
  • Frisbee Enthusiast Approval Ratings, November 14, 2016
  • 8 Things I Have Said to Men to Remind Them That We Should be in Love, November 11, 2016
  • You Would Not Have Been My First Choice of Companion for this Rocket Trip Into the Sun, November 10, 2016
  • A Halftime Speech from a Football Coach Who Is a 9/11 Truther, November 9, 2016
  • Trump TV’s Fall Line-Up, November 8, 2016
  • Things That Could Be Useful After the Apocalypse, So You Should Probably Start Hoarding Right Now, November 7, 2016
  • Uncovered Brand Logo Secrets, November 7, 2016
  • I Can’t Stop Finishing My Groceries Before I Reach My Car, November 4, 2016
  • Something Completely Awful Needs to Happen So I Can Buy Property Here, November 3, 2016
  • Realistic Festival 2016 Lineup, November 2, 2016
  • Villanelles by The Village People, November 1, 2016
  • Tree, My Friend, October 31, 2016
  • Cosmic Casual #10, October 31, 2016
  • Postmodern Novel I’ve Never Read Or Craft Cocktail I Can’t Afford?, October 28, 2016
  • I’m Pleased to Announce That We’re Promoting Jeff to Drug Elephant, October 27, 2016
  • Bearbnb, October 26, 2016
  • A Perfect Morning Hike with My Future Wife, October 26, 2016
  • Things I Can Still Post Earnestly About on Facebook Once the Election Is Over, October 25, 2016
  • Suburban Dictionary, October 24, 2016
  • Spooky Creepy Fun Pranks, October 24, 2016
  • The Perfect Cleaner, October 21, 2016
  • Reasons This Waitress Thinks I’m Eating Alone at Buffalo Wild Wings at 4:30 p.m. on a Thursday, October 20, 2016
  • Corporate vs. Artistic: A Venn Diagram, October 19, 2016
  • It’s Fall Y’all, October 19, 2016
  • 7 “Off The Beaten Path” Things To Do In Lima, Peru, October 18, 2016
  • Cosmic Casual #9, October 17, 2016
  • Tooth Fairy, Your Business Model Is A Complete Failure, October 17, 2016
  • A Bagel App, Because Just Getting One is Too Easy, October 14, 2016
  • Why Are You Cancelling Your Audible Subscription?, October 13, 2016
  • October Caption Contest Winners!, October 12, 2016
  • Lies Told On A Recent First Date, October 12, 2016
  • Don’t Blow That Horn!, October 11, 2016
  • A Map of My Confidence About State Capitals, October 10, 2016
  • 6 Things You’ll Only Understand If Your Parents Accidentally Left You at a Dave & Busters for Three Days, October 10, 2016
  • So You Have an Ugly Baby. Now What?, September 23, 2016
  • Wrestling Names for Wimps, September 22, 2016
  • My Professor, September 21, 2016
  • Humans of Los Angeles, September 20, 2016
  • The Workhouse, September 19, 2016
  • You Are Ruining My Life, Mom. And Not In The Fun Way., September 19, 2016
  • Suicide Squad Goals, September 16, 2016
  • Remembering the Good Ol’ Days, When I Was an IHOP, September 15, 2016
  • An Open Letter to the Fairy Godmother, September 14, 2016
  • September’s Caption Contest Winners!, September 14, 2016
  • Anne Frank, Abridged, September 13, 2016
  • Census Data: Men I Still Crush On, September 12, 2016
  • This Autobot Was Not As Billed, September 12, 2016
  • A Census of Your Wedding to a LaVeyan Satanist, September 9, 2016
  • Rejection Letter from True Love, September 8, 2016
  • If You Ever Wake Me Up Before My Alarm Goes Off Again, I Will Have No Choice But to Turn You into an Undead Pinion in My Mechanism for World Domination, September 7, 2016
  • Monotheism Makes God A Tad Bitter, September 6, 2016
  • How Dope You Look Breaking a Bone vs Age, September 5, 2016
  • List of Reasons Fathers Give to Their Children of Why Their Recent Camping Trip Together Was So Special, September 2, 2016
  • The Euphemisms in My Cover Letter, Explained, September 1, 2016
  • Personality Test: What Does Your Car Say About You?, August 31, 2016
  • The Fact That My Cat is Voting for Donald Trump Has Me Very Worried About the State of our Nation, August 31, 2016
  • Millennials Ruined The Olympics, August 30, 2016
  • Cosmic Casual #8, August 29, 2016
  • Letter From Dad, August 29, 2016
  • Attn: Dole Salad Kit Quality Control, August 26, 2016
  • These New Visa Categories Are Hella Specific, August 25, 2016
  • 6 Places Besides Canada to Consider Moving to if Trump Becomes President, August 24, 2016
  • You Will Not Believe What Happens Next, August 23, 2016
  • I’m Voting For A Third Party Candidate Because The System Is Rigged And I’m Mad At My Mom, August 22, 2016
  • Yaaas Queen, August 22, 2016
  • Probable Reasons They Haven’t Texted You Back, August 18, 2016
  • I Ate Poison for a Month: This Is What It Did to My Body, August 17, 2016
  • 8 Things Every Voice in My Head Knows to Be True, August 16, 2016
  • Dog People vs. Cat People: A Venn Diagram, August 15, 2016
  • Avocado + Toast = Avocado Toast: A Memoir Part 2?, August 15, 2016
  • Count Dracula’s Airbnb Posting, August 12, 2016
  • 5 Guys To Date This Summer Who Probably Have An Air Conditioner, August 11, 2016
  • Top Ten Worst Careers for Someone with No Teeth, August 10, 2016
  • Famous Last Words of Competitive Cooking Show Contestants, August 9, 2016
  • A Comedy “Piece” By A Writer Who Just Switched Places With His Dad After They Were Simultaneously Struck By Lightning, August 8, 2016
  • Periodic Table of Element, August 8, 2016
  • Dear Matt, The Ghost Who Ghost Texted Me, August 5, 2016
  • Thursday Night Memoirs, August 4, 2016
  • Cosmic Casual #7, August 3, 2016
  • Pissed Off Dads Making Lame Threats to Smart-Aleck Teenagers, Through the Ages, August 3, 2016
  • What Do You Say We Throw Around This Football?, August 2, 2016
  • The How Sad Are You? Meter, August 1, 2016
  • Books for Good Conservative Children, August 1, 2016
  • A Yelp Review for a Burrito Stand by a Man Who’s Never Heard of Burritos, but Loves Donkey’s, July 29, 2016
  • Acting Experiences I Wish My Manager Would Let Me Include on My Resumé, July 28, 2016
  • Census Data: Dudes With Low Ponytails, July 27, 2016
  • Hey! Do You Need A Distraction?, July 27, 2016
  • Posthumous Tips In Manhood For My Adopted Boys, July 26, 2016
  • Food Instagram, July 25, 2016
  • Dating Your Bachelor/ette, July 25, 2016
  • How to Win at Scratch Tickets, July 22, 2016
  • Born to Account, July 21, 2016
  • Rainbow, July 19, 2016
  • Message in a Bottle, July 18, 2016
  • SWOT: Pitbull, July 18, 2016
  • Here Are All the Compliments I Would Like You to Give to the Chef, July 15, 2016
  • My Wife Is Cheating on Me with Steve Buscemi and Definitely Not My Neighbor Ted, July 14, 2016
  • My Best Invention Yet (Until the Next One), July 13, 2016
  • Voice-Over from a Burger King Whopper Ad Made by Ken Burns, July 12, 2016
  • Where Are They Now: Alanis Morissette’s Other Hand Edition, July 11, 2016
  • A Bar Chart of Taste in Music, July 11, 2016
  • Your New Baby Is An Invasive Species: The Facts About Your Baby’s Inner Savage, July 8, 2016
  • This Can’t Be Right, July 7, 2016
  • An Open Letter To The Filmmaker Who Adapts My Murder Into A Mini Series, July 6, 2016
  • Revised Food Pyramid, July 5, 2016
  • Let’s Be Real Fucking Clear Who The Star Of This Rummage Sale Is, July 5, 2016
  • Wishing For A Washer, July 1, 2016
  • When To Use Your Phone As A Shield Against Failure, Social Anxiety, and Existential Malaise, June 30, 2016
  • A Pretentious Word Graph, June 29, 2016
  • Adult Dr. Bronner’s, June 29, 2016
  • I Could Be Wrong Here, But Is This Stakeout Really Necessary?, June 28, 2016
  • 4 Hilarious Football Player Fails, June 27, 2016
  • Cosmic Casual #6, June 27, 2016
  • I Have Nothing to Say About Your Baby, June 24, 2016
  • 9 Signs That You Are an Introvert (Who Is Very Adamant About Gaining Access to Military Grade Weapons), June 23, 2016
  • A Pie Chart of Iconic Eyewear, June 22, 2016
  • Rock N Roll Universe, June 22, 2016
  • I Leaned in So Hard I Fell into a Different Dimension, June 21, 2016
  • Decorate Your Grad Cap!, June 20, 2016
  • (no subject), June 20, 2016
  • How You’re Going to Die, According to Your Favorite ‘90s Comedy, June 17, 2016
  • My Blog Is Tanking – Can I Borrow Your Baby?, June 16, 2016
  • My Dad, June 15, 2016
  • A Review of God’s New Late Night Talk Show in The Heaven Times, June 14, 2016
  • Work Life Hierarchy, June 13, 2016
  • I’m Sorry to Hear She Left You, but Put Something Good On, June 10, 2016
  • Stevie Wonder is Deaf, June 9, 2016
  • Letter to the District, June 8, 2016
  • How I Like Them Apples, June 6, 2016
  • Some Things I Feel Entitled to as a Millennial, June 6, 2016
  • Dear Handsome Lumberjack Oregonian/Possible Subletter, June 3, 2016
  • Some Things You Gotta Do When You Meet the Love of Your Life, June 2, 2016
  • Book Title Outtakes, June 1, 2016
  • If NBA Action Figures, Like Strawberry Shortcake And Her Progeny, Were Scented With Aromas Suggested By Their Names, May 31, 2016
  • Problem Solving, A Pie Chart, May 30, 2016
  • The Only Packing List You’ll Ever Need, May 30, 2016
  • Amazon Reviews From Your Friend Who is Doing Fine, Thank You, May 27, 2016
  • My At-Home Waxing Experience, May 26, 2016
  • Inner Monologue: 24 Hours Until The First Sex Party I Was Ever Invited To, May 25, 2016
  • Census Data: Do You Know Which Kardashian is Which?, May 25, 2016
  • On Hold Options for Your Company’s Support Team, May 24, 2016
  • Cosmic Casual #5, May 23, 2016
  • True Life: My Parents Ran My Facebook Account for the First 5 Years of My Life, and Kept It a Secret from Me, May 23, 2016
  • My Interview with Patrick Stewart, Based on Stephen Marche’s Interview with Megan Fox, May 20, 2016
  • “Urinality” Test: Which Urinal You Use Says A Lot About Your Personality, May 19, 2016
  • Dog Prude, May 18, 2016
  • Million Dollar Ideas with Grandpa, May 18, 2016
  • An Incomplete List of Dicey Situations I Could Get Out of by Executing a Perfect Backflip, May 17, 2016
  • May Caption Contest Winners, May 16, 2016
  • An Excerpt from ‘Avocado Plus Toast = Avocado Toast: A Memoir’ by Simone Tass, May 16, 2016
  • Author Bios from an Ancient Lit Reading, May 13, 2016
  • Age-Appropriate Ways to Humiliate Yourself After 30, May 12, 2016
  • A Literal Idiot’s Guide to Classic Literature, May 11, 2016
  • A Bar Graph of My Most Frequently Used Texts, May 11, 2016
  • 3 Classic Grifts, May 10, 2016
  • Elephant in the Room, May 9, 2016
  • It Happens: You Got Insulted at the Water Cooler, May 9, 2016
  • What Your Engagement Photo Really Says About Your Relationship, May 6, 2016
  • List of Short Lists, May 5, 2016
  • A Pie Chart of TV Couples, May 4, 2016
  • Reactions That Facebook Forgot, May 3, 2016
  • My True Calling Is Managing This Denny’s: A Message from Pope Benedict XVI, May 2, 2016
  • Cosmic Casual #4, May 2, 2016
  • Things That’ll Make You Nostalgic for Pangaea, April 29, 2016
  • We Need to Talk About Zika for Like 10 Seconds, April 28, 2016
  • Questions to Ask If You Suspect You Might Be Living in an HGTV Show, April 27, 2016
  • Proposal of Marriage with a Mutual Aquaintance, April 26, 2016
  • Hot Vs. Smart, A Scatter Plot, April 25, 2016
  • Animals Pitch the Network, April 25, 2016
  • 5 Reasons Your 3’s Are Definitely Better Than Your 2’s, April 22, 2016
  • A Foodie’s Recipe to a Revenge Best Served, April 21, 2016
  • Twas the Day Fore 4/20, April 20, 2016
  • Jokes For Children (Not Really) Part 1, April 19, 2016
  • The Trail of Ahab, April 18, 2016
  • Winning Chopped Dishes, April 18, 2016
  • Inspirational Quotes for Conspiracy Theorists, April 15, 2016
  • My 44th Annual Acceptance Speech, April 14, 2016
  • Friendship Encounter Satisfaction Survey, April 13, 2016
  • Amazon Dash Button Rejects, April 12, 2016
  • Evolution of a Snuggie, April 11, 2016
  • Ad Campaigns For Adult Dodgeball, April 11, 2016
  • True Memoirs of a Resume, April 8, 2016
  • 11 Super Doable Beauty Tips, April 7, 2016
  • How to Compromise When Naming Your New Home Theater, April 6, 2016
  • What Happened to Millennials? Participation Awards., April 5, 2016
  • Cosmic Casual #3, April 4, 2016
  • 6 Must-See Acts at Coachella 2016, April 4, 2016
  • 5 People You Will Meet in Film School, April 1, 2016
  • 10 Ways to Self-Justify Winning the Silver Medal at a Competitive Event, March 31, 2016
  • B-Sides from the New York Times Vows Section, March 30, 2016
  • Who Put This Boulder in the Middle of the God Damn Office?, March 29, 2016
  • March Caption Contest Winners, March 28, 2016
  • Truly Bipartisan Issues, March 28, 2016
  • Please Come Back to Our Online Store, March 25, 2016
  • Killing Bill O’Reilly’s “Killing” Series, March 24, 2016
  • Canada’s Ongoing Struggle with Indie Musicians, March 23, 2016
  • 7 Weed Strains That Are Almost As Dank As Cracked Pepper & Olive Oil Triscuits [SPONSORED CONTENT], March 22, 2016
  • President Nicknames Part 2, March 21, 2016
  • This Year’s 5 Biggest Sundance Surprises, March 18, 2016
  • Menu Options at a Fancy Restaurant For Seagulls, March 17, 2016
  • An Angry Letter from That Rock You Kicked, March 16, 2016
  • College Thoughts, March 15, 2016
  • What’s Coming to Netflix this April!, March 14, 2016
  • Rainbows and Unicorns, March 13, 2016
  • Thinking Inside the Bubble, March 11, 2016
  • Easy Two-Step Guide to Writing a Monkey Movie, March 10, 2016
  • How to Take the Best Bubble Bath of Your Life, March 9, 2016
  • Pride, Prejudice, and TFW the Thirst is So Real, March 8, 2016
  • Alternate Ending, March 7, 2016
  • Getting My Laundry From My Parents’ House, March 7, 2016
  • A Recipe for the Modern Horse, March 4, 2016
  • Hey Guys, I Don’t Want to Jump to Conclusions but, Are You Kidnapping Me Right Now?, March 3, 2016
  • Letter to the Guy I Raced in the Parking Lot, March 2, 2016
  • How to Impress Others with Your Ability to Sing Using Solfege, March 1, 2016
  • A Moment in the Life of a Double Sneezer, February 29, 2016
  • It’s Game of Thrones Time, Steve, February 26, 2016
  • My Name Is Larry, I am a Cucumber, and I Will Be Your Uber Driver, February 25, 2016
  • Other 90s Shows Being Rebooted By Netflix, February 24, 2016
  • Things I Do Regularly That 13-Year-Old Me Would Think Were Hella Tight but Make Current Me Kinda Sad, February 23, 2016
  • Wine Eleven: Party Wizard Party Size Moscato, February 22, 2016
  • Cosmic Casual #2, February 22, 2016
  • 5 Ways I Tricked Myself into Flossing, February 19, 2016
  • Recommendation: Taylor Osnes, February 18, 2016
  • Letters to Myself, February 17, 2016
  • Chupacabra Strikes Again, February 16, 2016
  • Are You Doing Okay? Because Your Houseplant is Dying, February 16, 2016
  • President Nicknames Part 1, February 15, 2016
  • We Fell in Love in a Focus Group, February 12, 2016
  • Lesser-Known Get Rich Quick Schemes for Powerball Losers to Consider, February 11, 2016
  • I Held Soil In My Hands For Eight Straight Weeks, Here’s What Happened, February 10, 2016
  • Three Brief Tales of Love, February 9, 2016
  • President Eisenhower’s Statement on Opposite Day, February 8, 2016
  • Napoleon Talking About Trying to Conquer Russia in the Winter or My Dad Complaining About Shoveling the Driveway?, February 5, 2016
  • The Walking Shame, February 4, 2016
  • Hey, Sup Guys, February 3, 2016
  • This Year, I’m Getting on Fucking Shark Tank, February 2, 2016
  • January Caption Contest Winners, February 1, 2016
  • Get to Know You Games, February 1, 2016
  • I Left My Umbrella on the Other Side of This Intergalactic Portal and I’d Really Like to Get It Back, January 29, 2016
  • Depression Says What, January 28, 2016
  • Stained, January 26, 2016
  • Cosmic Casual #1, January 25, 2016
  • An Incomplete List Of Ted Cruz’s Ultimate Fantasies, January 25, 2016
  • The First Vegetarian Tries to Explain Sarcasm, January 22, 2016
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