These days, many newly-married women are opting not to take their husband’s last name. These women would prefer a more modern convention for choosing a married name, but are unsure where to find one. The very same women are also having trouble choosing secure yet memorable passwords. We have a great many studies showing this, which I will not bore you with here, because you have doubtlessly already seen them hundreds of times over.

To help the modern woman with these plights, we have compiled a helpful list of alternative naming conventions that double as great tips for choosing a secure password.

Your first pet’s name + the street you grew up on

Your mother’s maiden name + what you had for breakfast this morning

The brand of the upholstery in your first car

His last name + his favorite Friends episode

The brand of the jeans you wore yesterday + the brand of the jeans he wore last Tuesday

Your mother’s maiden address

His favorite holiday + your dog’s favorite holiday

Your last name + your least favorite Friends episode

His maternal grandfather’s second favorite Beatle

The name of your first school + his thoughts on immigration reform

His first pet’s name + your second favorite brand of coffee filters

Your pet name for him + the name of your first pool

His youngest sibling’s favorite shape of noodle

Your first car + the last car you will own before death

All names courtesy of Allegra Pistachio-Orange-Caldwell-Oatmeal-ToyotaUph-Stein-The-One-Where-Joey-Speaks-French-BDG-Diesel-2144-Sukkot-Christmas-Ringo-The-One-With-Phoebe’s-Wedding-Paul-Kaiser-NeedsWork-Bucket-Melita-Wooble-Poolie-Cavatappi-Toyota-Corolla-Toyota-Matrix.


The Higgs Weldon is an online humor magazine with funny articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was founded in the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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