An Almost Barely Millenial’s Guide to Post-Millenials
By
June 3, 2015

emily20

Emily Faye, PhD

As a newly minted twenty year old, now imbued with all the wisdom and deep experience that one in their early twenties possesses, I am right on the cusp of the so-called millennial generation and whatever the arbitrary classification after that is. This group has no name or defining features or set years yet, but there are a handful of distinct characters unique to them, some of which I have compiled below.

– Dr. Emily Faye (I have a doctorate now ’cause I’m 20. I’m not a baby anymore and therefore have a doctorate. Don’t call me a baby I’m not a baby I’m an expert.)


 


All the pretty, popular girls have boys’ names like Bradley and Hunter.

All of the boys you used to have a crush on are Instagram famous.

Being gay is the ticket to popularity, even if you straight-up have a terrible personality.

Bullying is out, politely ignoring people is hot.

I want them to think I’m cool.

Straight A’s and Ivy Leagues are the new cool drugs. (Drugs are also the cool drugs.)

Guys, please think I’m cool.

Their facebook profiles are fan pages.

Always going to Europe.

Awkward phases have been eradicated. Eleven year-olds all look like tiny 30-year-old professional businesswomen on a day off or thirty year-old underachieving Brooklyn hipsters.

Borne of artsy Tumblr posts.

Get drunk on whole fat milk and high off organic lemons

Have exposed brick where skin should be.

They think I’m a lame-ass nerd.

 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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