An Excerpt from ‘Avocado Plus Toast = Avocado Toast: A Memoir’ by Simone Tass
By
May 16, 2016

avocadotoast copyPreface

A wise woman once said, “Take two great things and ultimately make one even greater thing.” That woman was and still is me; Simone Tass. Another great woman said, “Write what you know.” Once again, that woman was me.*

Every day, at least three hundred** people are introduced to the power and beauty of the devastating combination that is avocado toast. Some have gone so far as to call it a revelation in breakfast options and afternoon snacks alike. However I, Simone Tass, have been combining the two since the early seventies.

I have been shopping this book around for forty years, so not only are you holding a work of literary genius in your hands; you are holding my life long struggle. Treat it as such.

It all started one grey morning in London*** and true to the beginning of all great tales, it was early and I needed to eat.

I toasted a piece of whole wheat bread and placed it upon a plate, which in turn, was on my kitchen counter top.

“But where is my butter?” I asked to no one in particular.

My calm, inquisitive search for butter quickly turned hysterical; I turned over pots and pans, tomatoes and potatoes, any item that was in my way.

In my haste I tripped on a bread bag twister and went sliding across the kitchen. My hand landed on a half of an exposed avocado, which in turn went flying, coming out of its rind mid air and landing perfectly on my toast.

Well, things could be worse I thought to myself. I spread the avocado, took a bite and the rest is history.

Though the above recollection is at its core, the entire story, please believe me when I tell you there is so, so much more. I managed to condense “the more” into the three hundred and twelve pages that follow. Enjoy.

As I typed that last period, I received word that there will be an Avocado Toast Part Two****, because as many of you know, we are never done talking about, basking in and most importantly learning from avocado toast.

Forever Yours,
Simone Tass

 

*My publisher has forced me to note that it was indeed not me.

**Once again my publisher has strongly encouraged me to note that this number may be wildly inaccurate.

***Decided to come clean on my own for this one–in this case London represents my hometown of Clive, Iowa (population sixteen and change).

****My publisher insisted I note that she cannot stress enough how much there is not an Avocado Toast Part Two in the works. 

 

 
 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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