At the start of every new year, people set resolutions in hopes of improving their sad sack selves and sorry lives. But with such lofty goals, a swift failure is inevitable. This year, don’t let that happen to you. Here are some resolutions that are reachable and reasonable so you won’t get discouraged:

Set yourself up for a great classic resolution in 2016 by gaining 30 pounds this year.

You don’t need to make more money to spend more money. Just use your credit card more!

Focus on taking more “me” time by quitting your job.

Get a gym membership and make use of it at least four times a week to shower once you’ve lost your apartment.

Write the next great American YouTube comment.

Finish reading that book review in People magazine.

Turn a year older.

Tell complete strangers how much you love and appreciate them more.

Sneak in a FaceTime session with your secret family at least once a month.

Have a baby. It’s so simple, you’d almost have to be trying NOT to have one.

Buy a cool shirt.


The Higgs Weldon is an online humor magazine with funny articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was founded in the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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