Attempts at Explaining to my Grandfather that I Follow a Cat on Instagram
By
July 14, 2017

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“Grandpa, you gotta check this out. I follow this cat, Tammy the Tabby, on Instagram. She’s the best! Aw, look, here’s a video of the kitty drinking milk. Adorable, right?”

“What’s Instagram? Oh…well, it’s an app where you can look at and post photos and videos. Everyone has a profile and you can check out their pictures and they can check yours out, too.”

“What’s an app? Jeez. Okay. It’s, well, it’s short for ‘application.’ Smartphones have a bunch of apps that serve various functions, such as Instagram, which as I said allows for you to share and look at pictures and videos, like from Tammy the Tabby’s life. This cat is seriously delightful!”

“Smartphones. Of course you don’t know what that is. You know what a cell phone is, though? Well, it’s like that, but it can also connect to the Internet, allows you to send and receive emails, and it connects to the cloud.”

“Yeah, yeah. I already know where this one is going. The cloud. Um. It’s like God, in that it’s everywhere all at once, but you can’t actually see it? It’s used to backup your data and files, but, honestly I have no clue how it works. All that matters is that this cat is the cutest thing on Earth. Ugh, look at this pic of her. She has a smushed up face, and the caption says ‘hashtag furr-ious’ hahaha”

“There’s no way I’ll be able to explain hashtags”

“You know what? I’ll put it as bluntly as I possibly can: I’m glued to my phone several hours a day, every day, looking at pictures and videos of the same cat named Tammy. Obviously her owner is posting these pictures and videos, but they make it appear as if the cat controls the account. It’s always saying cute things. Like on Saturday it’ll say ‘Happy Caturday’. It’s a pun. And it’s hilarious. I’m quite literally obsessed and it’s clearly a problem that I’m really only coming to terms with as we speak. Happy now?”

 
 
 

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