avocadotoast copyA wise and sensual woman once said, “In the face of adversity… be your own hero.” Without further ado, that woman was me, Simone Tass.

When your publisher tells you there is “no way in hell there will be an Avocado + Toast = Avocado Toast: A Memoir Part Two,” you trust yourself and you give the people what they want. You give the hundred(s) of people who bought your book the greatest gift of their lives; you embark on a national book tour.  

You heard it here first folks. I am hitting the road of this gorgeous country of ours and will be popping into various book stores and café’s alike. I will be reading excerpts from my memoir as well as signing copies (security permitting).

Here is an example of an excerpt you can expect to hear and although I’m sure many of you know this passage by heart, humor me.

Chapter 27: The End Of An Era

My dear friend Charlene sat across from me at my kitchen table. It was a windy Friday night and our wine glasses were drained as was her energy. Her and Ted had been married for twenty-five years but there would be no twenty-six. “I’ve found someone else.” He mechanically told her. She never saw it coming. She came over seeking comfort, wisdom and empathy. I gave her all those things and more. Just when there seemed to be no more emotion left to be felt, no more words left to speak, I thought of the only five words that could possibly heal her ailing heart during this tragic time, “How about some avocado toast?” 

I’ll give you all a minute to compose yourselves… Below is a list of the dates I have planned thus far, I will be updating this list religiously so please check back. Until then my friends: Stay true to yourselves, stay positive and stay hungry… for avocado toast.

Simone Tass’s National Book Tour

10/4 Nashville, TN: Parking lot behind Barnes & Noble 4 PM

10/8 St. Petersburg, FL: TBA 


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 


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