When I first bought my “Yacht Rock Socks” variety pack from Banana Republic, I was afraid they were going to be a little small. But the size medium pack was perfect for my size 10 feet. At the time, the only thing I found to be a little too tight were the sock’s cuffs, those quickly stretched out. Unlike my ex-girlfriend’, grip around my personal life! A whole different type of cuffs. Ha!

The fun vibrant boat pattern makes for a perfect bit of flare when you want to look extra nice for a business meeting, or moving out of your Brownstone apartment. What’s nicest about the variety pack is that it comes with both ankle and calf socks. The ankle socks are the perfect size to stuff in your mouth and scream out some good old fashioned frustration when someone wants to watch eight consecutive hours of Dance Moms even though they know you hate it with every fiber in your slowly dying soul. The calf length are also great for working out at the gym!

I love these socks. I thought I knew what love was, but I quickly found myself wanting to spend more time with these socks–wearing them, washing them, drying them–than I ever did with Jen. It’s not that she isn’t great, she is, but these socks were better. They are better.

There was a slight thread pull in one of the sock pairs when I first put them on. I initially had thought that they came that way in the mail, but quickly realized Jen had ripped the tag off of the pair, ruining them. Thankfully, a quick tutorial from YouTube (and breaking up with Jen) got my socks ready to go and back on my feet! We are ready for the first day of the rest of our lives.

The stitching near the toes are a little itchy, but you get used to it.


What’s everybody up to tonight?


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!