Ben Affleck: My Lord And Savior
By
December 20, 2016

I’ve seen plenty instances of injustice in my time. Hell, I’ve been at Trader Joe’s when they were sampling chocolate chip cookies, an item that needs no sampling; give us a taste of your newest ravioli and let’s move on with our lives. But I digress.

Injustice is all around us and sometimes we get tired of fighting but there is one infraction I will never quit battling, one cause I will never stop rallying for. I will never stop defending Ben Affleck against all of the savages who have decided to turn against him. I will never stop working to reverse the damage done to his name by the reckless souls who decided that he wasn’t enough, that he had in some way let them down.

Ben Affleck has never let me down. He didn’t let me down in Good Will Hunting, a piece he co-wrote with his best friend Matt Damon that combined two of my favorite things: Boston accents and Elliott Smith. He didn’t let me down in Gone Girl, a film I saw in Sherman Oaks and yet will carry with me everywhere I go for the rest of my life, and he sure as hell didn’t let me down when he directed and starred in The Town, my favorite movie of all time. The touching thriller left me paralyzed in my seat long after the credits had finished rolling; shock, adoration and respect coursing through my veins.

Did he let you down when he made Gigli with Jennifer Lopez, the love of his life at the time? As if you’ve never pretended to love skateboard culture for one of your ex flames. As if you’re not sitting here reading this with your hair ombred. We all make mistakes.

Are you devastated that he was chosen to play Batman in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and the movie wasn’t that lit? Well guess what else wasn’t lit; your vocal cords whilst singing your co-worker happy birthday last week. We all come up short sometimes. It’s how we turn it around that counts.

He went on to marry Jennifer Garner and have three effervescent children and sure, him and Jen are currently estranged but you know what? He tried. He fell off a few horses and while a lesser man might have stayed down, he got up. He got up and once again directed and starred in the three time Oscar winning film Argo. He got up and took his kids to school, he got up and grabbed a bagel sandwich with his brother Casey. He. Got. Up.

So why don’t you get down from your soapbox and stop lashing out at Ben Affleck. If you’re attacking Ben Affleck, you’re attacking me, and I took a karate class one time.

All I ask is that you give him a chance, see him for what he really is; a gorgeous, hazel eyed man who loves family and values friendship and film. As he so quaintly put it in the 2003 masterpiece Daredevil in which he played a blind devil superhero, “I’m not the bad guy, kid.” You’re all fools if you can’t see that.  

 

 
 
 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 


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