Best Movie Titled Burnt

This one was tough for me but I gotta go ahead and give it to the recently released film Burnt starring the incomparable Bradley Cooper. Although I have not yet seen the film, the billboard alone is enough to give me chills. Cooper’s performance on the poster is absolutely riveting, his eyes tell a story I didn’t realize I wanted to be told. Sprint, don’t walk, to see Burnt. In theaters now.

Best Tree Stump

Another close call but there is a stump off the beaten path of La Cienega Blvd that could take even the most hollowed soul’s breath away. Judging from the rings circling this (Oak? Maple? Cedar?) tree stump I’m going to hypothesize that this ancient beauty is around three hundred years of age. In fact, my vibes lead me to believe that her birthday is October 30th. There will be a big blowout in her honor that night and the stump will be decorated in a sash of royal blue. BYOB (bring your own bark).

Best Up And Coming Weather Forecast

Although it’s technically a good thing that there are so many great weather forecasts out there right now, it does not make my job any easier. This one came down to the wire but at the end of the day, for me, the stand out winner is “Gentle wind, scattered clouds, and God willing, a sprinkle of rain.” The promise, the ambiguity and touch of religion leaves me wanting more, leaves me wanting to get out of the house and pursue the possibility of the experience of all three of these natural occurrences. Great ‘cast.

Best Meatball

Studio City: home of CBS studios, one out of the thirteen locations of the popular restaurant franchise Lemonade and the best… meatball? Yes. That last one is no longer a question as I now bestow Studio City with this substantial honor. Last week while visiting my biological mother in her sprawling one story home in SC, I concocted a meatball when upon tasting, my mother couldn’t believe came from this planet. It was that good. Unfortunately the ball itself cannot be obtained quite yet but I will be starting a Kickstarter and using this very article for leverage in hopes of getting my meatball biz off the ground. Stay tuned.

Best Neighborhood Cat

This one nearly took years off my life, I was so torn. However the memory of Skittles Trout (a gorgeous half Calico half Siamese) caressing my left ankle with his brilliantly striped tan and black tail… well let’s just say that performance was one for the books and one that earned him the title of Best Neighborhood Cat. His fur is borderline too soft, his eyes are expressive yet still maintain an element of mystery, a combination that not many cats are able to balance, and yet Skittles pulls it off with grace and style. A man of many lives, Skittles truly knows what it means to give more than he receives. He seems to seek out those lost souls in need of a few sultry meows, a few moments of connection with another living being and once he zeroes in on them, he does not hold back. Skittles leaves people better than he found them, and at the end of the day, what else can you expect from a stunningly beautiful half Calico, half Siamese cat?

And on that note, I’ll see you next year for the Best Of round up. Take care everyone.


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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