The spreading legalization and increasing use of marijuana as an alternative medicine has led to a lot of soul searching amongst us, Big Pharma executives. Our main thought being, “How can we make pharmaceuticals cool for millennials?” Then we realized what makes medical marijuana so appealing: funky product names. Who wants to use Advil and Tylenol when pain reliever alternatives could be Skywalker OG or Afghan Kush? So, with that in mind, we at Big Pharma have rebranded some of our most popular products for the age of medical marijuana.

For Erectile Dysfunction…
Cialis is now Big Daddy Schwing OG
Viagra will be called Hef Sauce

For Anti-Depressants…
Abilify is PTS Delight
Prozac is to be rebranded as Service Dawg
Zoloft is now 800-Pound Gorilla

For Birth Control…
Loestrin is Uterus Wreck
Yaz is now No Joint Custody

For Attention Deficit Disorder…
Vyvanse is Bradley Cooper Movie Swag
Focalin will be known as Midterms Candy
Adderall is now Scheduling Skunk

For Asthma…
Proventil is now Cat Dander Antidote
Nasonex will continue going by Nasonex

For Pain Killers…
Vicodin is now 3-Day Weekend Haze
Tylenol with Coedine will be sold as Rapper’s Delight
Percocet is now Slacker’s Advil
Oxycontin is to be sold as Cape Cod Smack


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!