Mark Mitchell is a writer and performer living in Los Angeles. If using the childhood pet/street formula, his porn name would be "Crackers Saddleback." He is enthusiastic about candy. If you like Twitter but wish you followed people who never tweet, might I recommend following him?

A natural foods store. What a place to die. Back pressed up against the endcap, Joey strained to hear the rasping breath of the creature over the hum of the nearby freezers.

There was a creature in the store, that much was certain. It had wasted no time in consuming the staff and other patrons with its mandibles and squid-like beak. Only Joey remained. But was the creature moving toward him or away?

Exhaling deeply, Joey pivoted into the aisle. The creature was nowhere to be seen. It was a clear shot past the preservative-free frozen dinners, through the check out aisle, and out the front door. From the corner of his eye, Joey saw an explosion of movement mere yards away. He ran.

Moments later, the creature was upon him.

Rearing its head, the creature let out a piercing roar. Joey’s flesh was not enough. Nothing could satisfy its hunger…

…Nothing but the perfect combination of rich milk chocolate, creamy nougat, crunchy peanuts, and smooth caramel that only a Snickers┬« brand candy bar can provide!

Because Snickers® Satisfies.


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!

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