Ron Babcock is an LA-based writer and comic. Sometimes he likes to make up conversations about weird pictures he finds on the Internet. This month’s is a guest post by Robin Higgins.

 Ted: Hey Ralphie.

Ralph Bunche: Yes?

Ted: You suck real bad.

Ralph Bunche: Why would you say that to me, Ted?

Ted: Because you had it coming. Also, your hair is stupid.

Ralph Bunche: You’re really starting to hurt my feelings.

Ted: Good! Look at you with that stupid part in your hair. You suck. Oh, and now you’re frowning like a little baby. I wish Mark could see this.

Ralph Bunche: I hope no one sees me this way! I feel awful.

Ted: Oh yeah? Well guess what! I’m using my photographic memory to remember what you look like right now, and later I’ll get my sketch artist friend to draw it. Then I’ll use my high-up connections at the post office to put that sketch on a stamp, and circulate it throughout the entire country! Haha!

Ralphe Bunche: I urge you not to do that! But I won’t worry because people will surely think of me as the first African American to win the Nobel Peace Prize, and not care about my facial expression.

Ted: Maybe. But I’ll make sure my children stay employed at the post office, and tell them that whenever there needs to be a large display of stamps from the past to use the one with your face on it. By then, too many decades will have passed for your achievements to be commonly remembered, and it will just look like you’re super fucking unhappy to be on a stamp. Mwah ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

Ralph Bunche: Nooooooooooo!!! I love stamps!!!!!!



The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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