Illustration by Robin Higgins

Illustration by Robin Higgins

My uncle Dan runs a yoga studio (Grunfeld’s Stretches and Breathing) in Fort Dodge, Iowa. He asked me to post these “on American Online so that everyone saw.” This is my best attempt to do that.


1. No showing off. Folks try their best.

2. Wear comfortable clothes but nothing indecent. God is present.

3. Bring your own mat. If you don’t have one, you can rent one with a handshake.

4. Dan himself dims the lights for the Poorly Lit Warm Stretching class. Electricity isn’t free.

5. No on purpose toots.

6. Take your shoes off. It’s a little “liberal” but trust us, it’s better.

7. You can get water from the sink. We’re not a Casey’s General Store.

8. Some folks like to be quiet after. That’s ok.

9. During the chanting part, please keep it easy and PG. U-S-A is encouraged.

10. No wacky names on the sign in sheet. We know there’s no one in town named Lotus or Jeremy.

11. No grab ass, Rodney.


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!