Dear Ashley,

I hope that my letter finds you in good health and happiness. There has been rain in my town for many moons now. The crops I have been working on are flooded. My mother prays every night for the rain to stop. She chants an old African hymn. It is a hymn that her mother used to chant before the waters came too high and carried her away. I miss my Nkuku. I hope one day I can see her in heaven, also my baby brother. Our hut is damp but I have been working hard to weave straw that I was fortunate enough to gather before the storm. I will use the straw mats to help keep the rain out. As the rain beats down I am thinking how happy I am to be alive and I am very grateful for all of eternity. I have fresh goat’s milk every morning at sunrise and that is enough for me. Thank you Ashley for being my friend.


Hiiiiiiii Tanka,

Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond, my macbook just randomly shut down, it’s still at the genius bar like they have no idea what’s wrong with it so they gave me an ipad in the meantime, which is like fine for social media and whatnot but like sooooo annoying to type out long things on, ugh, why is this happening to me? I 100% feel you with the rain sitch, there was actually a monsoon last night, the Gelson’s parking lot was seriously, not joking jam-packed. I must have circled five times looking for a spot, and honestly I just had to leave like I was so over it, I was like whatever I’ll just order takeout. Sorry to hear about your Nkuku but actually thank you for reminding me of my favorite sushi spot Nkuku on Sunset, need to make a rez, like haven’t been there in a minute. If you’re ever in LA, you need to try their spicy tuna, like honestly Tanka, you would die. So bomb. Your hut sounds so cute, like the cabana I stayed at in Maui last summer. I mean we didn’t sleep in it but like chilled in it by the pool during the day. Ew I just remembered I hooked up with Jason on that trip LOL, like so random but whatevs, it was Maui. So jealous of your goat’s milk but also sounds kinda fattening straight from the source like that, also you just reminded me like literally every time I go to Starbucks they find some new way to eff up my order, like yesterday they gave me a venti instead of a tall, it’s like yeah let me just shit at the office all day, like I have time for that. Ugh seriously Tanks I love catching up with you, you’re so dope, unlike my friend Jessica who, if she bails on our spin class one more time I’m going to kill her, then myself, haha spin is SO HARD but so rewarding. TTYL.

Love u Lots,


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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