Death on Facebook
By
October 23, 2014

This post expresses sympathy via the modality of shock. Poster is unclear how anyone he or she knows and liked could have died, and may, in fact, be surprised to learn of death itself; has possibly been laboring under misperception regarding immortality. May also, based on FB photos, be a vampire, which would at least excuse some aspects of posting.

This poster is at a loss for words and has, instead, posted a flowery meme that includes a picture of a rainbow that she or he found on another friend’s wall to express solidarity in grief. This particular meme relates to the Rainbow Bridge, where deceased pets allegedly gather happily to await reunion with their deceased owners. Deceased in this case is human, and petless, but it’s the thought that counts.

This poster is demanding to know what happened, as in the “how” of the “what.” This poster is quickly shamed by other equally curious but less obnoxious posters and entire grief thread has to be edited by primary griever to eliminate a dozen posters yelling at each other.

THIS POST IS IN ALL CAPS TO CONVEY JUST HOW UPSET THIS PERSON IS.

This is a moving and specific memory that captures loss, including the loss of grammar and spelling.

Angels, God and the Afterlife, along with Jesus and the New Testament are heavily at play with this post. The deceased was Jewish, but whatevs.

This post proves that emoticons can actually signal mental illness when used in bulk.

This is a video of the song “Knocking on Heaven’s Door,” performed, inexplicably, by Guns N’ Roses. Song launches yet another vitriolic Facebook bashing—complete with deconstruction of lyrics and counter-postings of covers of Dylan’s song by The Grateful Dead, U2 and Avril Lavigne—requiring yet another editing of thread by primary grievers.

This post alarmingly misquotes and melds texts from Nietzsche and Sylvia Plath.

This post makes it clear poster has not read original post announcing horrible tragic death and simply wants to find out what everyone is talking about. Post receives seven likes but no response.

 

The Higgs Weldon is an online humor magazine with funny articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was founded in the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


CARTOONS
By Robin Higgins and Philip Morganelli
concertspiegraph

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