Debt Collection Notice
By
January 23, 2015

Rojas & Sparks Collection Agency                                                January 23, 2015
15300 Business Glen Park Trail Rd.                                              Claim #: GHZ119T3
Riverside, CA 92504

To the Representative(s) of Ryan D. Price (henceforth referred to as “The Debtor”):

This letter is sent on behalf of Mr. Jarrod F. Jackson (henceforth referred to as “Our Client”) regarding an unresolved debt owed to him.

On November 15, 1998, Our Client and The Debtor were conversing by the vending machines at Glen Jaffee Middle School, eating bean burritos for lunch, when both parties simultaneously asserted that, “Blink-182 sucks.” Immediately following the simultaneous exclamation, Our Client stated to The Debtor, “Jinx! You owe me a coke.”

Payment of said beverage has since not been received.

The factualness of the above-stated events and validity of the transaction were verified through deposition by witness Jeremy T. Wong (henceforth referred to as “The Wonger”). The Wonger also testified that when Our Client repeatedly stated his desire for his compensatory beverage, The Debtor replied, “Fine, jerk! I owe you a stupid coke.”

Due to the minor status of both parties at the time of the dispute, the statute of limitations on jinxes is not applicable in this claim. With compounded interest, The Debtor now owes Our Client, including the original beverage: two-hundred-and-sixteen (216) “cokes.”

Our Client wishes to express that the 216 “cokes” can also be remunerated in the form of Coke Zeros owing to the fact that Our Client is attempting to “cut back on the carbs” before Our Client’s and The Debtor’s next high school reunion. Our Client will also accept:

216 Diet Dr. Peppers

216 Diet Dr. Pepper Cherries

216 Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry-Vanillas

Free, full-facility usage of The Debtor’s commercial business, Bounce House Mania Kingdom Land, for Our Client’s daughter Ashleylynn’s sixth birthday princess party.

Continued failure to compensate Our Client will incur penalties including, but not limited to, 1) further legal action, 2) financial restitution, 3) The Debtor’s daughter, Jazminlynn, not being invited to the above-mentioned princess party, which will probably break her little heart considering she and Ashleylynn used to be BFFs, plus The Wonger’s daughter is already going.

Please respond/RSVP to this claim no later than January 28, 2015.

Regards,

Albert Rojas
Account Executive

P.S. Your previous claim #THY129C4 (“Dibs” on The Wonger’s Last Bagel Bite) has been received and is being processed.

 

 

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