1) Do you have an extreme tightness in the chest? Don’t worry this is one of the many classic side effects from having a weed brownie. The tightness comes from the anxiety associated with not being high enough. Sometimes edibles take a long time to kick in, this isn’t the case with you though, you probably got a really weak batch and better eat a few more just to be safe.
2) Do you smell an odd smell like “burning toast?” If you do it means you probably are really high off a weed brownie and put some toast in the toaster and completely forgot about it. You are definitely not having a stroke, no way that could happen to you.
3) Do you have a shooting pain in your left arm? That means you are experiencing one of the weird side effects of weed brownies. A lot of times people get so high off weed brownies that they specifically injure their left arm and then totally forget about it. I’m sure that’s what happened to you.
4) Are you sweating profusely? Well I’m not surprised after you challenged those guys from Latin America to a jalapeño eating contest. Yeah it’s going to burn for a long time. Slurred speech is common after a jalapeño eating contest. Your tongue can’t make out words, just chill bro.
5) Are you experiencing shortness of breath? Yeah see what happened was you were so high you started considering a career as a professional hula-hoop person and went on a crazy hip-shaking bender. Just catch your breath, you’ll be fine. Yeah normally it takes a few hours for your breath to come back after a crazy hula-hooping incident.
6) Do you have a family history of heart disease? Wait what, you do? Oh man I was just trying to calm you down. I’ve never heard of anyone actually having a heart attack while also being high on a weed brownie. Oh man you should definitely be in a hospital. Yeah freaking out may help here actually. Okay I’m going to call a doctor. SIRI CALL DOCTOR GREEN THUMB.
The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!