With The Affordable Care Act (aka “Obamacare”) now open to enrollment, we enlisted the help of Steven Fisher, M.D., M.P.H. to provide consumers insight into things that Obamacare does not do.
Here is Dr. Fisher’s “5 Things Obamacare Does Not Do.” Be advised that Dr. Fisher was recently divorced.
5 Things Obamacare Does Not Do
1) Obamacare Does Not Stop Your Wife From Cheating on You
The first thing consumers must know about Obamacare is that it did not prevent my wife from cheating on me. Nope, over 1,000 pages in that bill and not a single clause of it stopped Joanne from sleeping with her personal trainer. A personal trainer I paid for, I should add.
2) Obamacare Fails to Address What Chad The Personal Trainer Has That I Lack
The president’s law is a failure when it comes to explaining how Chad–the personal trainer my ex-wife had an affair with–is in any way half the man I am. Does Chad have two advanced degrees as I do? Does Chad’s work “literally” save lives? I’ll admit that Chad is in good shape—so is Joanne so shallow as to throw away ten years of marriage just for that?
3) Obamacare Will Not Piece Together the Shards of Your Once Happy Life
This has been particularly disappointing about Obamacare. While it does allow the uninsured to enroll in reasonably priced health care plans from private insurers, Obamacare does not reassemble the pieces of your life that were shattered by Joanne’s selfish act of infidelity that destroyed your manhood and brings you to your knees.
4) Obamacare Will Not Help You “Get Back Out There”
If you haven’t dated in fifteen years, since you’ve dated and been married to the same woman (i.e. Joanne) for that whole time period, and then suddenly, she asks for a divorce and moves to Seattle with her personal trainer Chad, then Obamacare will in no way help you “get back out there” and date again. This, in my opinion, is a major flaw with the new law. If you’ve been out of the game, then good luck. It’s all online now. How does one adjust to that when you thought you’d never have to?
5) Obamacare Does Not Make You Give Up Your Employer Insurance In Contrast To How Joanne Gave Up On Me
If you have insurance through your employer, and you like it, you can keep it. You do not have to give up an existing health plan to enroll in Obamacare. In that sense, Obamacare is not forcing you to do something you don’t want to—unlike Joanne who cheated on me and asked for a divorce. I hope you and Chad are happy, Joanne. And, since sarcasm doesn’t read on paper well, please note that the previous sentence was sarcastic.
I wouldn’t want Joanne back if she asked…
… Oh, I don’t mean that, Joanne. Joanne, have you thought about counseling? I’m willing. Please, Joanne, call me. I beg you, Joanne. Please. Call or write.
Steven Fisher, M.D., M.P.H. is a physician and health policy expert. His ex-wife Joanne is making a huge mistake.
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