Epilogues From My Lost Screenplay
By
October 16, 2014

Nine years! Nine years I labored over my screenplay, Remember Tomorrow, a coming-of-age dramedy about a group of teens working at a haunted Build-A-Bear with a cyborg cat. One swipe of raspberry iced tea onto my laptop and – zap! – it’s gone. Except for the last page:

REMEMBER TOMORROW              9/19/05                pg. 177.

Pepper tosses her arm crutches aside and joins Jesse, Tex, Tiffany-Ann, D’ontrell, and Robo-Cat in a group high-five.

FREEEZE FRAME on high-five:

TEXT SCROLL:

PEPPER: Went on to write a best-selling series of “tween” novels based on her experiences that summer at Build-A-Bear.

TEX: Stood up to his dad and quit the football team to pursue his dream of dancing in Cirque du Soleil Zumanity.

D’ONTRELL: Graduated from Johns Hopkins Univ. with honors and works at UCLA Medical Center where he is a black doctor.

STEPHANIE: Married Trevor and had 3 children.

TREVOR: Married Stephanie and had 8 children. Facing multiple paternity suits.

TIFFANY-ANN: Swore off materialism and donated her inheritance to a charity for homeless/disabled cheerleaders.

BIG DEBBIE: Finalist on Season 14 of The Voice. Kicked off of the show for sexually assaulting Blake Shelton.

JESSE: Quit as assistant manager and started his own company, Construct-dat-Rabbit. Heavily sued by Build-A-Bear.

LOOSE TINA: Rediscovered her faith in family and the Church of Christ LDS. Currently leader of an outlaw polyandry clan.

JERSEY: Joined Marines. Killed by friendly fire in Iraq.

LEONARD: Joined Marines. Killed Jersey in Iraq.

SPYDER: Left MS-13 to become a substance abuse counselor for disadvantaged youth in South Los Angeles. Killed by Leonard.

MR. BLATZ: Remained store manager despite constant pranking from staff. Lost hand in stuffing machine accident. Living off settlement money in Florida with his “friend,” Narong.

DR. FANG: Abandoned his nefarious plan to destroy Build-A-Bear and eliminate its pesky employees. Owns a vape shop in Ojai.

LI’L FANG: Had a nervous breakdown without Dr. Fang and his plots to give his life meaning. Recovering from e-cigarette overdose.

IRIE MIKE: Turned his “stupid” idea – a smart phone you can eat sushi off of – into a multi-billion-dollar company. Smokes hella weed all day in Switzerland.

ROBO-CAT: Elected twice to the U.S. Senate before becoming Vice President. Ascended to President after assassination of President Affleck.

GHOST OF AARON BURR: Haunts the Pinewood mall to this day, mysteriously embroidering stuffed animals with wisdom for young adults and occasionally strangling somebody.

DOUG: Still a virgin.

 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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