Equifax FAQs
By
November 2, 2017

Q: When was Equifax founded?
A: 1899.

Q: Where is your headquarters?
A: Atlanta Georgia.

Q: What’s your stock symbol?
A: We had a huge data breach a few months ago and when we say huge that’s an understatement. Whoa boy, they got us good. They saw everything.

Q: What the fuck???
A: Sorry.

Q: You lost all our data –
A: Your personal data

Q: Our personal data and all you have to say is sorry?
A: We’re not very good at our jobs.

Q: What exactly do you do?
A: We make it hard for you to get loans and credit cards.

Q: What happens now?
A: Thieves will get loans and credit cards in your name. It’s funny if you think about it.

Q: Was I part of this data breach?
A: That’s for us to know and these very shady people from the Balkans to find out.

Q: I’ll ask again. Was I part of the data breach?
A: Do you have a social security number?

Q: Yes.
A: Then yes.

Q: Can’t you fix this?
A: I have an idea. Pay us money.

Q: Pay you !!!!!????
A: Well it’s our business model and if everyone paid us we’d be doing great.

Q: My lawyer say–
A: Did we mention we have a free service? Go to our website. Problem solved.

Q: What the hell is this?
A: Are you a robot?

Q: No.
A: Prove it.

Q: What am I supposed to do? Give me a hint.
A: Its called a Rubiks cube. Solve it thirty seconds.

Q: I don’t know how to do that!
A: Sorry robot, gotta run. And enjoy that motorboat you just bought in Ecuador. Told you, you should have paid us.

 

 

 
 

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