December 11, 1994

Dear Jurnal today something funny happened we were at Carneys and I said Jonny has always been here when I have then ten minutes later Jonny walked in my mom was laughing so hard well that’s a rap see ya.

Analysis: I have been crushing it with my mom since I was eight / Me and Jonny were constantly eating hot dogs from Carney’s and everyone was pretty okay with it.

December 13, 1994

Today was a better day with soccer I got the ball away from Andrew Felder one of the best players but I’m mad at Alexandria really mad. She’s gonna get it bye. 

Analysis: Soccer was apparently an emotional rollercoaster / Alexandria and her loved ones should have been very concerned for her safety.

December 19, 1994

Dear Jurnal today I went to see Dumb and Dumber I thought it was funny with my favorite actress Jim Carry I wish I could kiss Matt Kaplan January first but ya right.

Analysis: At eight-years old I was a staunch feminist who believed that despite gender, everyone was an “actress” / Matt Kaplan could have had all this.

December 20, 1994

Today when my friend Micki came over I played a trick on my mom I hid in the back of the car and my mom was looking for me and I stayed there til we got to the market that’s it for today see you tomorrowbye.

Analysis: Although her child was missing my mom felt like milk and bread couldn’t wait.

December 25, 1994

Dear Jurnal today we came back from the cabin and my mom said Barry you know what the bottom line is and my sister asked are you getting divorced and my mom said I don’t know! Also we played baseball and I slammed one to right field unfortinitly Julian caught it I was pretty worked up bye.

Analysis: My mom left us on a cliffhanger re: the possibility of divorce / I am capable of ripping a baseball but not capable of emotionally processing someone catching it.

December 26, 1994

Dear Jurnal it turns out that my mom and dad aren’t getting divorced afterall it didn’t rain so we had to run laps. I’m going to kill Michael. I have a science test tomorrow I was studying but I got frusterated then daddy studied now you can consider me a planet genius I hope I do good tomorrow bye.

Analysis: My mom perhaps held a press conference to deny a potential divorce / Michael and his loved ones should have possibly fled the country / Although I was a planet genius my grammar skills were not so “good.”

January 5, 1995

Dear diary I took the test I didn’t make it but stupid Joelle and Alisa, Daniel and Andrew made it that isn’t fair but hey life isn’t fair so ten more days til my birthday tomorrow is free day at PE boring I hope we rollerskate soon bye.

Analysis: Despite my mature knowledge of life’s unfairness, I felt that Joelle, Alisa, Daniel and Andrew could still suck it / I had a burning desire to roller skate.


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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