January 4, 1995

Dear diary today we played dodge ball again in school cause it was pouring rain guess what in 11 days I turn the big 10 double digits the bible bowl’s in two days at Sunday school I hope I get in I guess I just have to believe in myself see ya tomorrow bye

Analysis: I was very religious/full of hope when I was on the precipice of double digits.

January 14, 1995

Dear diary today when I took my ski lesson it was really fun cause we went through the trees then when I came home and me, Becky, Alexandria were sledding and two bullies punched me in the face and kicked Becky in the back my birthdays tomorrow yeah bye

Analysis: Very blasé attitude towards random violence/Can’t a bitch sled in peace the night before her b-day?

January 23, 1995

Dear diary today it didn’t rain in the morning but then it started so we played dodge ball in P.E. I got so many people out and when I came home I played like 15 rounds of Shanghai on the computer and the lowest I got was 26! When my dad came home I kind of got mad at him then I played Shanghai see ya tomorrow

Analysis: I will fuck you up in dodge ball/My Shanghai skills were allegedly off the charts/My dad returning home to his family was slightly offensive to me.

February 20, 1995

Dear diary this morning me daddy Kalee Layne and Ian went to Dupars I ordered the regular french toast. In the afternoon I went to Micki’s house, Becky was there, tragic, we talked went swimming then Becky left thank god. Me and Micki played Nintendo donkey kong daddy picked me up we had gotten a frog and a cam-elion and we had a bbq see ya

Analysis: Becky’s presence is an unwanted tragedy/An impromptu frog + chameleon purchase will also catalyze a barbeque.

March 6, 1995

Dear diary, today my “mom” said it was going to be freezing but instead it was boiling! In P.E. I was doing really good at bump prisoner. The rest of my day was a little bumpy I kind of got mad at Ariel I couldn’t help from crying luckily I did. I went to hebrew school I got home finished my book The Boyfriend by R.L. Stine then got a headache so I went to bed bye

Analysis: My “mom” is a filthy liar/Shout out to R.L. Stine/I am emotionally very strong but headaches will take me down hard.

March 29, 1995

Dear diary today in hockey Micki fell and threw her stick it was hilarious. I made up a poem: Your blue blue eyes against the blue blue sky your golden hair like the sun up high your strawberry lips are so very fine oh dream boy please be mine see ya

Analysis: My sense of humor is on point/My poetry skills are on the level of Walt Whitman.

April 2, 1995

Dear diary today at school it was the same thing every time Wendy stops the play for some reason I feel the anger shooting up. I had a dentist apt. no cavities yes. I played monopoly I lost bad. We ate pizza at 8:49 pm really late for din din bye

Analysis: Wendy for sure felt the intensity of my wrath/Zero cavs, struggling at monopoly/8:49 p.m. is an unacceptable dinner time what is this Europe bye


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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