Fish Toast
By
October 2, 2017

Three fish were swimming upstream together when they came across a dam that was blocking their way. The fish had no idea how they were going to get around it. This was a bad situation…
 
“I can’t believe it, we’re going to be stuck here forever!” said the Red Fish.
 
“This is quite a pickle. How will we ever get past this dam!” said the Blue Fish.
 
“Yeah this dam looks pretty tough, but hey! Since it looks like we’re going to have some time on our hands do you think we could talk about nailing down some definite brunch plans for this weekend?“ said the Walter fish. 
 
The Red Fish and the Blue Fish looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Walter had been badgering them about brunch plans for the last 12 hours. An eternity. The Red Fish exclaimed, 
 
“No Walter, now is not the time! Brunch is a weekend thing and today is God Damn Wednesday. Right now we need to figure out how to get around this dam that’s blocking our way!” 

 
“I hear you, I hear you… But… since you both definitely said that we were getting brunch this weekend and it seems like this dam is keeping us from swimming upstream for a while I just figured, let’s get something solid to put in the planners, you know? Just so it’s not so last minute.” 
 
“Walter, you need to lighten up man, we’ll figure out brunch this weekend don’t worry,” said the Blue Fish.
 
“Right, right, right, ok, I get that… It’s just, you said that same thing last weekend and then no one told me about the plans and then I just ended up grabbing brunch with my family,” Walter said. 
 
The three fish were swimming in circles at the foot of the dam, they did not notice a small tributary that flowed around the dam, one that could easily bypass the dam and get them to the other side.
 
“I’m just saying, let’s get on the same page and that way no one ends up at sober brunch eating Quaker Oats and watching Divorce with their Mom and Dad.” 
 
“WALTER you are RUINING brunch and it’s not even brunch today!” The Red Fish announced, exasperated with the conversation. 
 
“Listen, I’m not trying to be a bummer, it’s just that I really want to go to brunch this weekend and I don’t understand why we can’t just nail down some solid plans now, instead of waiting till the last minute and potentially leaving people out of our brunch time activities!” Walter pleaded.
 
“Because that’s not how brunch works Walter,” the Blue Fish sighed. 
 
“Brunch is a very delicate spur of the moment type of thing! Where we go, when we go, what we wear, what we order, all of that happens last minute!” the Red Fish added.
 
“It doesn’t have to be that way though!”
 
“Look if Brunch doesn’t happen this weekend we’ll just do it next weekend or the weekend after,” the Blue Fish reassured Walter. 
 
“We’re fish though! We don’t live that long! Next week is like next century!”
 
“Walter! Seriously! Brunch is not that serious we’ll just figure it out on Sunday!” The Red Fish was bordering on losing his temper at this point. 
 
“Ok! See! There we go! At least I know we’re planning for Sunday! I didn’t know that!”
 
The Red Fish and the Blue Fish threw their heads below the water in disgust. 
 
“No Walter, we don’t know if it’s Sunday or Saturday or both! I was just saying that” the Red Fish gurgled from just below the surface. 
 
“Both? Both! BOTH!? We need to make double plans now?”
 
The fish continued to swim in circles, ignoring the tributary that ran around the dam and never really settling on any firm brunch plans for the weekend. Although, they probably just ended up going to that one café… You know the one, right? The one! On the corner? They do a Texas French Toast and Sweet Potato Pancakes? They do Bloody Mary’s out of mason jars? They have bacon? They have those plants? Looks like a rustic discotheque? Ugh, you know the one.   

 

 

 
 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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