1. Your friend from college who’s chilling on your couch rn 
2. Nevin Sharma
3. The last dude who delivered you a pizza
4. That manbun 
5. Elementary School Teachers 
6. Jim “Jim Beam” Kentucky-Whiskey
7. Quentin Tarantino’s Pizza Rolls
8. A Dauchsand 

9. Tom “Tom Collins” Collins 
10. “Excited to announce we just closed our Series B round of funding!”
11. 5 puppies standing on each other’s shoulders in a trench coat buying an R-rated movie ticket 
12. Charlie Chaplin 
13. Tom Yum Soup 
14. Jeffrey “Marco Rubio” Dahmer
15. Stan from accounting 
16. Missy “Misdemeanor” Perez-Delmonté
17. “Almond Milk Latte for Emily!”
 “EMILY! Almond Milk Latte!”
 FUCKING Oh, here you go.”
18. Uber driver with A Bachelor’s Degree in Art History 
19. Theranos, Inc. 
20. Martin Scorsese’s Furniture Selling Cousin, Curtain Scorsese
21. Tame Impala 
22. Doing the best you can
23. Will you be in my Short Film?/Come to my improv show/I do stand-up
24. Locke “Don’t Tell Me What I Can’t Do”, John 
25. The Mall
26. “My portfolio includes angel investments in a number of startups”
27. Nevin Sharma! 
      I dunno, he really seems like he wanted to       
      make one of these lists, it’s not real anyway, 
      just let him have it who cares?)
28. Bobby DeNiro in “The Intern”
29. Cool Socks Guy
30. “Oh dude, I love Radiohead!”




The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!