Stenographer Minutes:

Los Angeles Superior Court House
May 15, 2013
8:54 a.m.

Fred Durst vs. The People

            JUDGE CARLIN: Mr. Durst, on Tuesday, March 5, 2013, at approximately 1 p.m., you were seen stealing the following items from your local Ralphs: a dozen white roses, a pack of Trojan ribbed for her pleasure condoms, and an entire case of Diet Squirt. What do you have to say for yourself?

            DEFENDANT: I did it all for the nookie.

            JUDGE CARLIN: Come on, the what now?

            DEFENDANT: The nookie, your honor.

            JUDGE CARLIN: You know what, I’m getting too old for this. You know what you can do with your nookie?

            DEFENDANT: Stick it up your…

            JUDGE CARLIN: Yeah.

            DEFENDANT: What I’m trying to say is, stick it up your…

            JUDGE CARLIN: Yeah.

            DEFENDANT: Your honor please, I really want to stick it up your…

            JUDGE CARLIN: Yeah.

            DEFENDANT: Stick it up your…

            JUDGE CARLIN: I hereby sentence you to the death penalty. Case dismissed.



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