— What is this hatred of Mondays about, Garfield?
— Pardon me? I was thinking about lasagna.
— Well, as a therapist, I usually go right for something my patients hate. There’s usually more to that than anything else.
— Still thinking about that lasagna.
— Come on, Garfield. Don’t deflect. We talked about this. As we discussed, number one, you need to stop using lasagna-themed humor to deflect, and, number two, you need to stop projecting onto Odie.
— Yeah, I got it. Odie is great to me, blah, blah, blah.
— No, you’re not gonna get me off topic. What is it with you and Mondays?
— What do you wanna hear? Nobody likes Mondays. They’re boring, you have to work, the weekend’s over….isn’t it obvious? Asking someone why they don’t like Mondays is like asking someone why they do like lasagna.
— No lasagna deflecting.
— Lasagna, lasagna, lasagna.
— Garfield, come on, Jon hired me to help you. He says you’re depressed.
— I’m sleepy…from eating too much lasagna.
— Garfield, please, I have a job to do.
— Alright, fine, you got me, I don’t like Mondays. When I was a kid, every Monday, my dad left to look for food and wouldn’t come back for days. I guess I thought he’d never come back each Monday.
— Now, there we are.
— And, worst of all, when my dad returned with food, it was never lasagna.
— Garfield, you rascal!
— Send the bill to Jon. I’m going to Olive Garden.
The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!