George’s Unemployment Quiz
By
March 31, 2014

Form W-42069 (2014)

Purpose. As someone currently unemployed I have created this quiz to assist those of you in a similar situation. By the end you will know your UQ, (unemployment quotient).  Even better, to make you feel like you just got a job, I have styled this quiz after a W-4 form.


Personal Shortcomings Worksheet (Keep for your records.)


A    Enter “1” for yourself, because even though you’re unemployed, it’s important to stay positive. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………. A ____

B    Enter “1” if: ………………………………………………………………………………………… B ____

• You are single, have no job, and haven’t yet convinced yourself those things are related, or
• You are married, don’t still feel alone, or
• You know you can go back to working at Starbucks if you need to, thanks mom.

C    Enter “1” for your spouse. But, you may have to enter “-0-” and that’s not your fault, you’re a great person and you’ll find somebody someday. …………………………………………………. C ____

D    Enter number of days (other than weekends) you have had human interaction this week. D ____

E    Enter “1” if you have not resorted to putting trash down the garbage disposal just to feel productive. ……………………………………………………………………………………………… E ____

F    Enter “1” if you have at least $2,000 of savings keeping you from getting serious about your job search. (Note. Do not include belongings you are planning to sell, as you will find they are worth less than you think.)  ……………………………………………………………………………………. F ____

G    Child Tax Credit. You don’t have kids do you? Oh no. This form just took a very serious turn. My unemployment is only putting me and my roommates at risk. I didn’t even consider how serious it might be for ordinary Americans. Americans like Margaret James of Mill Pond, West Virginia. Margaret has to walk 3 miles through the snow… You know what,  just go ahead and enter “1.” Do it for Margaret. ……………………………………………………………………………………………….. G ____

H    Add lines A – G and enter total here. (Note. (UQ), higher is better, but there are no winners.) ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………. H ____
For accuracy, keep in mind:

• If you plan to itemize or claim adjustments to income and want to reduce your withholding, maybe get a job first.
• If you are single, the government will insist on constantly reminding you of how alone you are.
• If you know anywhere that is hiring, let me know.

Scoring. (From line H above)

13 – 12: Paying rent unemployment.
11 – 10: “HBO Go” unemployment.
9  – 8:  “Netflix” unemployment.
8 – 7: “Hulu” unemployment.
6 – 5: I wouldn’t worry about getting a job for at least a few more hours.
4 – 3: “Pandora” unemployment.
2 – 1: “Have I applied to Target yet?” unemployment.
0: See form 32.2-A SD-PVNT. Sec 8 (It’s about not committing suicide.)

 

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