Happy Anniversary!
By
October 22, 2013

Happy anniversary, honey! I can’t believe it was six years ago today that we first met at that housewarming party I gave. Oh, what a lucky day that was, and so funny that you just happened to show up on my doorstep with guacamole at the exact moment that we had run out! I’m so glad Teddy forwarded that invite, even if it was by mistake.

I guess I should also say happy 6-month and 24-day anniversary of our wedding! That’s right! I remembered! And yes, it’s the 2-week and 1-day anniversary of being back from our honeymoon!

It’s also the 4-year, 11-month and 15-day anniversary of the first day we kissed! And if I’m remembering correctly, my feisty spouse, it’s the 4-year, 11-month and 14-day anniversary of the day we first slept together.

It’s also the 2-year, 8-month and 4-day anniversary of our trip to Ghana to visit my brother! Awww…… Happy anniversary! Still cannot believe how long it took to get rid of those parasites. That’s an anniversary I’m trying to forget.

There’s so much to celebrate. Why, tomorrow, we have the 2-week and 2-day anniversary of being back from our honeymoon! How shall we celebrate the occasion? Candlelight dinner for two? A roaring fire in the living room?

Oh, and don’t forget that means that this Saturday is the 2-year, 10-month and 17-day anniversary of our engagement. Let’s go back to that special spot in the Arboretum, shall we? Don’t worry, I’m not expecting flowers or anything. A card would be nice, but it can be one of those free cards you get from the Nature Conservancy or the Sierra Club even if you haven’t donated any money. You know the ones I’m talking about? They have wolves or birds or snowy mountains on them and they usually don’t say anything on the inside so you can use them for just about any occasion. You can write your own note in there detailing what anniversary it is for us and then write a simple “Happy 3-year, 7-month and 28-day Anniversary of fixing our doorbell” or “I love you!” That’s all I need to hear. Then I know that you remembered.

Oh, and while we’re at it, I should probably remind you that yesterday was the 6-month and 19-day anniversary of my 42nd birthday. It’s okay that you forgot. I celebrated on my own. You and I can celebrate another time. We can keep it simple, like when we celebrated the 3-year, 4-month and 21-day anniversary of the time we went to that little coffee shop and laughed really hard about the superhero Halloween costumes we used to wear as kids. Who knew you’d have a Wonder Woman fetish? I should have kept the outfit. Gosh, that was fun. I think that one is coming up again soon so you might want to get those Sierra Club notecards together. I hope you have enough! I should tell you that when I started sponsoring a child with Save the Children I got free notecards every month, so that might be something you want to consider.

Also, our 1-year, 9-month and 27-day anniversary of cooking that Moroccan chickpea tagine is going to totally sneak up on us, so better to be at the ready.

With our long life together there will be many anniversaries to commemorate.

But for now, happy 2-minute and 14-second anniversary of the time you started reading this.

 

 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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