Guys! Holy fucking shit, Peep this. Emma Stone’s nip.

It’s like the whole damn areola. Not that bullshit sideboob paparazzi stuff.

Come and get it, everyone. Drop whatever it is you’re doing and feast on this tit topper.

Wait, hold up. You over there, what the hell are you doing? Are you seriously trying to understand a house resolution while I’ve got what is almost definitely Emma Stone’s nipple just waiting to stare you in the face? You’ve got to be kidding me. House resolutions are confusing. You know what isn’t confusing? Celeb nudes. Sweet, sweet celeb nudes.

You’re gonna actually click on some shit that says something about defunding some other shit when I’ve got some choice snaps of America’s Sweetheart’s Papilla Mammae? Wait, don’t google what that means. It’s nipple stuff.

Hey, hey, hey. You guys over there. Don’t think I don’t see you scrolling through some shit about foreign policy. Emma Stone is from America. Her nipples are too. What the hell do you need to know about Aleppo? Emma Stone’s nipples have definitely never even been to Aleppo.

Oh my lord! You guys too! What the fuck? Has everyone lost their flippin’ minds? What even is that? Is that fucking donation button? You’re gonna click a donation button when over here, there’s a red hot link to some red hot celeb nips. Free celeb nips might i add. Yeah. you don’t pay for these nips. I paid for these because believes the dissemination of celeb nip pics is our inalienable right as red-blooded, red-nippled American citizens. But you traitors are busy feeding other sites with your clicks.

Who even knows how long you’re gonna get to see these nips. Who knows how long net neutrality is going to let patriots like me feed your eyes with candid Hollywood booby pics. Months? Weeks? Days? And you all are squandering theses last precious moments doing heaven-knows-what.

Guys, eyes on the prize. Emma fucking Stone’s fucking nipple.



The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 


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