Me? Oh no I’m not crying. Well, I mean, I was. But I was just kidding. I was just kidding around. The kidding crying.  

I love to kid around, you know what I mean?






Hey, is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me, or did my father leave me when I was two? You see what I’m sayin’?  Just super hilarious jokes! 

I got a million zingers: My father did, indeed, leave me when I was exactly two years old– WHAMMO! I mean, like, on my birthday. There are pictures of me blowing out the candles, and he’s in the back with a suitcase in one hand and the front door knob in the other.   

Why’d we keep those pictures? That’s a great question.   

But I’m the one asking questions, buster!


No, I mean it… don’t ask me another question ever again.   

I’m in charge here. 

I am fucking in charge here. Okay? Do you understand?

So back to some jokes!   

Fucking mother fucking jokes!

Fucking mother fucking fuck fuck fuck laugh jokes. Can you handle them? I asked you a fucking question–look at me, and answer my goddamned question: Are you ready to laugh fuck fuck fuck syria fuck fuck.

Here’s the next one, hot off the presses. Well, it’s more of limerick: 

There once was a boy who was one year and 364 days old. He was a happy boy. Why wouldn’t he be? It’s been proven that kids in two-parent households are better adjusted and do better later in life. He woke up that day and said, “Hey dad, let’s play!  Dad? 






I’m two.


So, yeah. Jokes and limericks!  

I’m really preoccupied with jokes and limericks, is the thing that I’m really trying to impart here. 


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!