Zach Pugh is a comedian and writer living in Los Angeles. Since graduating from Oxford in just 3 school terms, he has written 47 books ranging from crime thrillers to psychology textbooks. He has developed a serum to allow him to stay young forever, which means he will outlive all of his (currently) 16 children. This inevitability keeps him awake every night and prevents him from ever truly being happy… He’s currently working on book #48, a collection of poems entitled 187 On A Muthafuckin Cop.

If you’re like me, every year you wait until the last minute to buy Christmas gifts. Finding that perfect gift for that special someone can not only be difficult, but it can be stressful as well! Especially when you’re trying to save money! So below I’ve listed my top ideas for the holiday shopper on a budget.

1907 Heidsieck Monopole Champagne

Intrigue? Check. Booze? Check. Shipwrecks? Check! 2,000 bottles of this champagne were found on a sunken ship in the middle of the Atlantic, and are certain to be the highlight of anyone’s Christmas. Whether it’s your alcoholic uncle or your Aunt who speaks with a weird French accent for no reason, this $25,000 bottle is sure to be a great holiday gift!


Dodge Tomahawk V10 Superbike

Vroom-vroom!! Have a bad boy (or girl) in the family? Get them this Dodge Tomahawk Superbike and show them that you really care. The sleek design makes it look very expensive and fancy, but you’ll only have to spend $700,000 to have this under the tree for that special someone!

image (1)

Heintzman Crystal Piano

We’ve all got that wacky music-type in our families. So this year, give them the PERFECT gift, while having a little money left over for you! This Heintzman Crystal piano is sure to please any music fan, and have them Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree! At only $3.2 million, this gift will please your loved one while making you look like you spent a bunch of money!

image (2)

Chopard Blue Diamond Ring

What lady doesn’t love diamonds? The answer: None of them! They can’t get enough of the stuff! Show them that they’re the only one for you; just don’t tell them how much you spent! At only $16 million, this budget buy has all the looks and frills of high-end jewelry at a fraction of the cost!

image (3)

History Supreme Yacht

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “A yacht? That’s not a budget gift!” And while the price comes in on the higher end of any shopping budget, it’s definitely worth it! Made with 100,000 kg of pure gold and decorated with T-Rex bones and miniature meteorites, this is sure to make your shitty son happy. And I think we can all agree that $4.8 billion is an absolute steal for the look on their face when they realize you’re their father and that they respect you! 

image (4)


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *