I Could Be Wrong Here, But Is This Stakeout Really Necessary?
By
June 28, 2016

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I apologize if I’m out of line at all, but this is all starting to seem very unproductive.  

I know I’m just a rookie, and maybe my understanding of stakeouts is limited, but literally nothing has happened for almost 32 hours.  

That just doesn’t seem right to me.

Also, we’ve been sitting in this unventilated van for a long time and I think the heat and those plastic bottles are starting to have an unfavorable reaction with all that urine and it’s starting to smell sour. 

And I really don’t even mind all that, but I still have no idea why we’re even here? What’s happening? What’s the mission? 

AND now my eyes are starting to water. 

Please, just tell me what are we doing here? 

Look, and I’m just going to come clean about this, but my binoculars aren’t even working properly. They haven’t been working for like the last 20 hours and… 

I know, I know, I know…. 

Ugh. BUT, I didn’t think binoculars go bad so here I am, I guess… 

Well, it’s already too late for that. Either we can live in the past or accept this and move forward. 

To be honest, binoculars or not, I’m still not really sure I know what I’m supposed to be looking for?

It just, honestly it looks like we’re looking at a goat. Sorry, that’s what I’m seeing. A goat. 

Well, then, I just don’t understand why we need to keep an eye on a goat for this long? What did it do? Why are we here? Fill me in. Give me the backstory?

That goat has literally not moved for 32 hours. He seems fine. 

What do you think he’s gonna do?  

This just seems like a lot of unnecessary effort to me. 

Look, I appreciate you taking me out and teaching me about stakeouts, but I want to go home now. 

Just please tell me why we can’t leave? Why?  

Is this a trick? Honestly if this is a trick I don’t mind but please tell me because I’m starting to hallucinate things. Not even dangerous things! God, I wish it was dangerous things or even interesting things! But no, just normal things.

Dinner rolls. Marzipan. Train tracks. 

Lint. 

Maybe you’ve seen more than I have but that goat just doesn’t seem like the type to me. I really don’t think he’s going to do anything?

And if he was going to do something wouldn’t he have done it already? What kind of a goat has plans MORE than 32 hours ahead of time? 

I have never met such a goat. That’s for sure. 

How much longer? 

Fine.

To be honest, I’m starting to question the whole concept of a stakeout.  

Why? Because I think we’ve been watching a fake goat for almost two days and I don’t think I’m crazy. That’s why.

No. No, I do not agree.

It just, it just… Doesn’t seem like something we need to be spending our time on, you know? 

I don’t understand why you won’t just tell me why we’re here? Just tell me? Who am I gonna tell?  

Fine.

Can we at least throw the bottles outside? 

 

 
 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!

 

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