As of 2018, The Higgs Weldon has been up and running for 5 years. To celebrate, we are re-publishing some of our favorite pieces from over the years for the entire month of January. This article was originally published on January 19, 2015.

The One With The Boat (2004? I Dunno, Years Ago)

STORYLINE: You know, the British ship is sailing around and they end up at the island with all the turtles?

CAST:

The Gladiator Guy                                     …  The Captain?

The Monk From The Da Vinci Thing       …  Doctor

A Bunch More British People                    …  Themselves

 

The Nasty Salesmen Guys (The 90s)

STORYLINE: Oh it’s a play by that horrible misogynist all about how hard and sad it is to sell a goddamn condo or something. I don’t know, I didn’t care for it.

CAST:

Al Deniro                                                    …  The Loud One (Who Is Looking OLD, By The Way)

Kevin Spacey                                             …  Always Such A Creep

Jack Newman                                            …  So Sweet

The Main Baldwin                                    …  Great Eyes

 

She’s A Phone (Last Year I Think)

STORYLINE: The weird guy in the high-waisted pants falls in love with his iPod or some such. Is that the kind of movie people want to see?

CAST:

Mush-Mouth With The Dead Brother    …  Lonely Pervert

Scarlett Johansson                                      …  Men Think She Sounds So Sexy, But She Just Sounds Tired

Amy Adams                                              …   Just Darling

 

The Hundred-Foot Journey (2014)

STORYLINE: The Kadam family leaves India for France where they open a restaurant directly across the road from Madame Mallory’s Michelin-starred eatery.

CAST:

Helen Mirren                                               …  Madam Mallory

Om Puri                                                       …  Papa

Manish Dayal                                              …  Hassan

Charlotte Le Bon                                        …  Marguerite

 

The Higgs Weldon is an online humor magazine with funny articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was founded in the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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