Hey local (and possibly federal) law enforcement! If you’re reading this, you’ve started searching my home for evidence of my current whereabouts. Sorry the place is such a mess–I hardly had time to clean up before going on the run to evade capture for my heinous crimes–LOL! Luckily for you, part of the twisted pleasure I derive from my actions includes a desire to be caught! Neat, huh?
If you can track down every item on this list, it should lead you right to me!
-A nosy neighbor whose many calls you ignored
-A high school yearbook with seemingly random pictures circled
-The standard issue Boy Scouts waterproof matchbox that started it all
-My worn out VHS copy of Reign of Fire (Get it?! LOL!)
-At least three manifestos
-One of my many masks
-The firefighter costume I bought as an ironic joke just for me
-A former middle school classmate of mine with third degree burns on their head/face (I left you plenty to choose from! LOL!)
-A business card from the tattoo artist who did the phoenix that covers my entire torso
-Gasoline (Obvi! LOL!)
-A crude diorama of My Final Act
-A map of all the orphanages in the tri-state area (Oooh what am I planning?! LOL!)
-A fire extinguisher (You’ll need it! LOL!)
Good luck! And if I catch you cheating, you’ll be sorry! Because you’ll be burned alive! LOL!
The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!