We made it to January, PW-heads. What a month it has been, truly. Now here’s the latest in Paige News, e-delivered to your e-mail for your e-ntertainment.

Top Stories this Month

Spent 3 Days With My Parents and Lived
It wasn’t easy, but Christmas was a success in that I did not die.

Replaced My Futon with a Real Bed
I’m a grown up :(

Purchased New Shoes
Everyone has been commenting on them and it’s making me really self-conscious.

Resolved to Take the Microwave Out of My Car’s Trunk
Still working on it.

Is this a fire hazard?


Earlier in the Month: What You May Have Missed!

12/11 – Ate some free ziti in Mid-City.

12/26 – Contemplated mortality in a Hello Kitty art exhibit.

1/3 – Resolved to sabotage the resolutions of others.

Lol look what I saw at Target


Upcoming Events

1/13 – Replenishing car snacks.

1/23 – 1/26 – Going out of town, will likely leave some socks behind.

1/31 – More contemplation of mortality.

I was late to work so I could buy this


Did you get the Christmas gift I mailed you? It’s socks.

I hope you like socks.

Mom started a group text with me and Dad


There you have it, the last four weeks of Paige-tivities in one convenient Paige-mail. Have a great month and please let me know if you got the socks!

Note: You are receiving this email because you have signed up for: friendship, family, or gossip. If you no longer wish to receive these emails, it will make me cry.


The Higgs Weldon is an online humor magazine with funny articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was founded in the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!