Blue Jay Café

I’m a man who loves my simple carbs, and since the wife wasn’t with me to say anything about it (she’s been at her sister’s for the past thirteen months), I went for the Hot ‘n’ Stacked waffles. When they arrived, I was shocked by the amount of food on the plate. So much that I had to acknowledge it and ask the waitress if she meant to sit her sweet little self down and share them with me. She enjoyed that. Now I’m a man who can handle his waffles, make no mistake, but as much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t finish them all. I couldn’t finish what was on my plate, just like the government is conspiring to keep anyone from finishing anything these days. They set too many waffles in front of our faces, and smirk smugly, mockingly, as they snatch it away, just like that broad of a waitress asking if I was “done.” We’re distracted by our obsession with sweetness and hedonism, letting ourselves be blinded from the fact that we’ll never reach the bottom, or see that promised plate with the little flowers on it. We are blinded by the syrup that the government keeps pouring on, slowly drowning our oblivious selves. The coffee was good, but I suspect they gave me whole milk instead of 2%.

Odyssey Blue Hotel

This is a party hotel; make no mistake. This is no place for business or family time.  Much like modern society, this hipster flophouse leaves no room for all three of the essential elements of a happy life. The modern man can no longer have pleasure, business success, and family time. He must choose one. This is their doing. It’s meant to weaken us. These kids and their glorious young Adonis bodies who shame me and my mature, storied flesh away from the pool area, will find themselves crushed into submission as desk workhorses. No time for their parties and drugs, no time for the wives and children who no longer know them, who call the gardener “Pa-pa.” No, they’ll see, society won’t let them have more. My company paid for my room with a king-size bed–which I was lucky to sleep in all alone–so I generously held back from complaining about their breakfast buffet being cleared out at 11:06 when I arrived.

Carlsbad DMV

I needed to clear an overdue parking ticket I received for parking half an inch in a red zone, to which I can only say, “Fair enough.” All of the lines moved efficiently. The four hours I sat waiting were well spent, a wonderful chance for me to catch up on some long overdue reading and constructive critiquing of local businesses. I could tell that everyone there was working their best to make people’s days as easy as possible. I look forward to my next visit.


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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