Fellow jugglers, we have a problem threatening our culture, our way of life, our very reason for being. We must address this problem as soon as possible. 

As you know, we make our livings by suspending objects in the air. We elevate these objects. The ground is our enemy.

Well, yesterday I saw something threatening, troubling…worrisome. That thing I saw was a table.  

Have you seen these tables? They elevate things off the ground without expelling an ounce of energy. They can elevate apples, tennis balls, knives, flaming torches…really anything, depending on how much weight the specific table can support.

Gravity has been our enemy and our friend. Without gravity, we wouldn’t need to juggle, but gravity is also what keeps objects moving towards the ground. These tables, specifically the tabletops, they know no limits from gravity. They suspend items off the ground without any concern for gravity.

My friends, my colleagues, we must fight back against these tables. They’re coming for our jobs and they’re coming for us.

Finally, has anyone seen my bowling pins? I thought I had them and I just don’t see them anywhere.


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 


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