Oh honey, you weren’t supposed to see that! Sometimes adults just need to vent about their marriage on Facebook in the privacy of their closest friends, family members, and marketing bots. No, I didn’t say we were getting divorced; I just said “If Daddy posted one more meme about a woman’s place being in the kitchen–regardless of the presence of an LOL–there could be grounds for divorce”…and even if we did officially turn our relationship statuses to “single,” it wouldn’t change how much we love you.
 
Anyway, I guess now is as good a time as any for you to learn that love isn’t all cute selfies, surprising-each-other-snapchat-stories, and long posts about how you can’t believe it’s been this long. Sometimes, adults CAN believe “it’s been this long,” and it feels even longer. Like when I liked 4 of Chad Aaronson’s photos and it brought up really negative feelings for your father around how Chad could always crush more beers in college. Or when your father couldn’t be bothered to like my post about our anniversary, which, by the way, I know he saw because that was the day you showed me how to tag him in the post.
 
Mommy and Daddy love you so much. See, both of our profile pictures are of your
lovely face. If you look quickly, it seems like you’re fighting with yourself in our
homeowners’ association facebook group. LOL.
 
No, I don’t think it’s ironic that your pictures are the visualization of our facebook
personas when, at the same time, we don’t want to drag you into our online bickering. Are you sure you’re using that word correctly?
 
Regardless, I know just what will cheer you up! Now, who wants to show Mommy how to hide a post from specific users?

 

 

 
 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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