Kim Jong-un’s Unread Emails to Barack Obama
By
October 8, 2013

Dear President Obama,

Did you get my recipe for toasted onion skin soup? I sent it to you last week. When you get a chance, I would hope that you’d respond with a recipe of your own, a favorite.

Yours very truly, Kim Jong-un

*

Dear Mr. Obama,

Mr. Rodman, when he was here, showed me how to shoot hoops. I know you like to shoot hoops, Mr. Obama, I saw Sixty Minutes. As I did not understand much more of what the reporter was talking about, other than the questions about my country, I appreciate clarifications. Other than this, Mr. Rodman told me he would personally meet with you and give you my recipe.

Yours truly, Kim Jong-un

*

President Obama,

In an email, Mr. Rodman recently told me that he lost the recipe. I have since sent a PDF copy to you. Did you get the email? I was also mistaken in that he has never played hoops with you! It seems that Mr. Rodman did not tell me many things. However, he did show me how to shoot hoops when here, and I am willing to have a free throw match with you when you come visit. I will put you up in the new guesthouse. (My llama farm is right out the back door! Wait until you see how Llama Bill can count!) I am having a specially installed b-ball court. We watch all the games here. At night I dream I am Jordan. Mr. Rodman did not say much about him. Do you know Jordan? Can you bring me some Air Jordans when you come?

Thanks, Kim Jong-un, aka “Dear Leader”

*

Dear Mr. Obama,

Can I call you Barack? (Rhymes with Iraq!) Although from People Magazine I understand that they called you Barry in your pot smoking days (he he!). I don’t think you smoke. I do not smoke. When you write back, I will tell you about my new llama ranch. I would like to trade recipes.

Yours very truly, Kim Jong-un

*

Barack,

I am thinking maybe you are too busy to use a recipe. Do not presume I am not too busy! Perhaps you can ask Mrs. Obama to send a recipe that she knows to be your favorite. You have a very handsome wife, Mr. Obama.

From the DPRK Great One

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Dear Mr. Obama

I checked several times last night in my email box for your message, but I did not see it. This is causing me great concern. I would appreciate a prompt response.

Thanks, KJU

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I saw on TV that you were laughing it up with that lady attorney general, and thought Mrs. Obama might not appreciate this gesture. But we understand, as leaders of great nations, that our civic duty must sometimes come before our wives. Notice that I said wives, Mr. Obama. It is a misconception that I have several. Do you? Please respond soon, and I will send another recipe!

By the way, do you know Ms. Rice? I cannot spell her first name. I would like to see you appoint her to a position on your staff. Don’t you think Mr. Biden smiles too much?

Thanks, Dear Leader, Kim Jong-un

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It has been several hours and sixteen days since my initial email requesting your recipe. I like to be on the edge of technology, as I know you are also. I cannot understand how you could miss my emails. Must I be on Skype? How come you do not respond?

Kim Jong-un

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Mr. Obama,

I believe that my emails are being intercepted by the axis of evil. Is this possible? If so, you are not reading them. You are not then reading this email, but someone is. Who would that be, Mr. Obama? Of course, I am asking you when it is not you who will get the email and be able to answer this question, so I am baffled.

My llama Bill can count to twelve! You must see it to believe!

 

 

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