Letters to Myself
By
February 17, 2016

In 6th grade Mrs. Middleton made my entire class write a letter to our future selves. Here is mine. And my response letter as a college sophomore.

February 5th, 2008

Hi Vince,

Guess who it is?! It’s me! (You!) How am I? (How are we?)

You may be wondering why I’m writing. Well, Mrs. Middleton is pretty furious at me today. I got her mad and now she is punishing the whole class for my actions. What happened was that during lunch I went through her desk searching for her inkpad and stamp so I could give myself credit for my overdue work. I didn’t find it. I did find a bunch of green and white pills. Needless to say she caught me. I asked her what Prozac is, and why she needs so much.

Afterwards, we had a mock election. I asked her who she’s voting for. She said, “That’s none of your business.” I think that means she’s voting for McCain. It makes sense. They’re both the same color and I’m pretty sure the same age. Maybe they dated and she still has feelings.

Anyway, I’m always wondering what kinda person I’m gonna turn into. Am I a good person? Will Lynyrd Skynyrd always be my favorite band? Pretty sure. Are Kristen and I still boyfriend and girlfriend? I hope we’re together forever… either way I hope I’m doing alright with girls. Everybody here keeps talking about weed. Should I try it? Should I go to college? I really don’t want to go. If I do go to college I hope I’m not working with kids. Kids are mad stupid.

I think I have to get going. Mrs. Middleton just fell down and nobody knows what to do. This will be a really great time to get her stamp. I need to pass 6th grade, man.

-Vince

February 5th, 2016

Sup Vince,

Don’t stress out too much about Mrs. Middleton. She’s just old. A lot of the time we let old people say and do mean things because it saves us the trouble of developing empathy.

Definitely do not do drugs, or get high. If you get high you’ll start listening to Sublime and that’s waaaay more embarrassing than liking Lynyrd Skynyrd in 6th grade.

With Kristen, this is kinda tough to say. You two aren’t together anymore. She… likes girls now. I know this because I saw her kiss another girl while wearing a shirt that says, “I like girls. Totally not boys. Girls.”  Super cool shirt she made herself. I initially thought it was for me when I found it a month prior. Don’t fret though. You’ll be doing just fine with girls. Just make sure you buy a car as soon as possible to get those numbers up. If you know what I mean. (This is where we would high five each other.) Also, you will like girls that are super into anime, but never date them. You have only seen Akira. Do what you will with that information.

Dude! Go to college if only for FAFSA. You’ll have $$$. I won’t tell you to be responsible with that money because there’s no reason to be. The government owes you, man.

Haha! Yea, I remember when she fell. This is the part of your life where you learn about loss. Crazy you had to learn it in a classroom setting. Good news is you found that stamp and passed 6th grade. I have to get going. I’m working with some kids right, now. They’re mad stupid, tbh. Jk children are precious.

Stay up,
Vince

 

 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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